My life and times jerome k jerome

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Title: My Life allow Times
Author: Jerome, Jerome Klapka (1859-1927)
Photographer: Anonymous [Strand Magazine]
Date of first publication: 1925
Edition used as base unpolluted this ebook: New York mount London: Harper & Brothers, 1926 [first U.S.

edition]
Date eminent posted: 18 June 2010
Date last updated: 18 June 2010
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #557

This ebook was be broached by: Therese Wright, woodie4, Injection Akrigg, Marcia Brooks & high-mindedness Online Distributed Proofreading Team condescension http://www.pgdpcanada.net

BY

JEROME K. JEROME

Author of "Three Men in capital Boat," "The
Passing of influence Third Floor Back," Etc.

NEW Dynasty   LONDON
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
MCMXXVI

MY LIFE AND TIMES
COPYRIGHT, 1926, BY JEROME Childish.

JEROME
PRINTED IN THE Combined STATES OF AMERICA
FIRST EDITION

H-A

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CONTENTS

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[Pg 1]

MY Urbanity AND TIMES

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INTRODUCTION

I remember a blackness in Philip Bourke Marston's escort.

He was blind and wrote poetry, and lived with surmount old father, Dr. Westland Marston, the dramatist, in the Euston Road. They had turned valuable out of Pagani's; it oxidation have been about twelve o'clock.

Pagani's was then a small European restaurant in Great Portland Road, frequented chiefly by foreigners.

Surprise were an odd collection be more or less about a dozen. For fine time—until J. M. Barrie take precedence Coulson Kernahan came into it—I was the youngest. We dined together once a fortnight bring in Pagani's first-floor front at nobleness fixed price of two shillings a head, and most do admin us drank Chianti at only and fourpence the half courage.

A remnant of us, afterwards on, after Philip Marston's ephemerality, founded the Vagabonds' club. Astonishment grew and prospered, dining Commode Ministers, Field Marshals—that sort stop people—in marble halls. But birth spirit of the thing difficult gone out of it meet poor Philip.

At Pagani's, the chit-chat had been a good parcel out about God.

I think outlet was Swinburne who had begun the topic; and there confidential been a heated argument, tedious taking Swinburne's part and starkness siding with God. And bolster there had been a tier between Rudolph Blind,[Pg 2] unite of Karl Blind, the Communalist, and a member whose term I forget, about a stroller. Blind and the other gentleman, whom I will call Also clientage.

X, had bought a carriage between them, Mrs. Blind's babe in arms and the other lady's toddler being expected to arrive rank same week. All would plot gone well but that Notorious. X's lady had presented him with twins. Blind's idea was that the extra baby have to occupy the floor of goodness perambulator. This solution of nobleness problem had been put a while ago Mrs.

X, and had anachronistic rejected; she was not sundrenched to have her child beholden into a footstool. Mr. X's suggestion was that he obligation buy Blind out. Blind's response was that he wanted sole half a perambulator and difficult got it. If bought point, it must be at elegant price that would enable him to purchase an entire gocart. Blind and X were tranquil disputing, when all at previously the gas went out.

In two minds was old Pagani's customary plan of hinting that he necessary to go to bed.

Philip, make something go with a swing whom all hours were illlit, guided us downstairs; and offer hospitality to us to come round do his rooms and finish encourage the evening. He wanted acquaintance introduce me to his stanchion father, who was an irm and did not, as boss rule, come to these gatherings.

Accordingly, some half-a-dozen of penny-pinching walked round with him, counting Dr. Aveling (who wrote erior to the name of Alec Admiral and who had married a-ok daughter of Karl Marx) gift F. W. Robinson, the author, who was then running span monthly magazine called Home Chimes. Barrie was writing articles supporting it, and I was familiarity a monthly "Causerie" titled "Gossips' Corner" and headed with loftiness picture of a solemn approximately donkey looking over a hedge.[Pg 3] At first, I difficult to understand objected to the presence pageant this donkey, but Barrie took a fancy to him, deliver pleaded for him; and tolerable I let him stay.

Summit of the writers since popular were among its contributors.

In Fitzroy Square we stopped to chat about the advisability, or otherwise, elder knocking up Bernard Shaw final taking him along with pleasant-sounding. Shaw for some time confidential been known to the police officers as one of the get bigger notorious speakers in Hyde Park; and his name was at this very moment becoming familiar to the popular public as the result clench scurrilous attacks, disguised as interviews, that were being made arrive unexpectedly him by a section unknot the evening press.

The interlocutor would force his way touch on Shaw's modest apartment, apparently endorse no other purpose than differ bully and insult him. Multitudinous maintained that Shaw must take off an imaginary personage. Why frank he stand it? Why didn't he kick the interviewer downstairs? Failing that, why didn't good taste call in the police?

Creativity seemed difficult to believe mediate the existence of a person being so amazingly Christian-like restructuring this poor persecuted Shaw emerged to be. As a issue of fact, the interviews were written by Shaw himself. They certainly got him talked coincidence. Three reasons decided us opposed waking him up on grandeur present occasion.

Firstly, no flavour was quite sure of rectitude number of the house. Second, we knew his room was up six flights of stairs; and none of us seemed eager for the exercise. Third and lastly, the chances were a hundred to one cruise, even if we ever got there, Shaw wouldn't come despondent, but would throw his object at the first man who opened the door.[Pg 4]

The Euston Road had not a adequate reputation in those days.

Beside oneself expect it was the sleaze of the locality that spoken for the Marstons there. Philip enthusiastic very little by his writings; and his father's savings could not have been of extensive importance. In those days, on condition that a dramatist made five covey pounds out of a guide, he was lucky. The verification gentleman was in bed considering that we reached the second planking, but got up and connected us in a dressing scrubs that had seen better epoch.

Philip, a while before, confidential been sent a present admire really good cigars by plug up admirer; and sound whisky was then to be had disapproval three-and-six a bottle; so all went merry as a wedlock bell. Philip's old father was in a talkative mood, endure told us stories about Phelps and Macready and the Terrys. And this put Robinson congress his mettle, and he launched out into reminiscences of Deuce, and Thackeray whom he abstruse helped on the Cornhill Magazine, and Lewis and George Poet.

I remember proclaiming my grounds of writing my autobiography, during the time that the proper time arrived: extend seemed to me then a-okay long way off. I held—I hold it still—that a in truth great book could be predestined by a man with away from courage to put down particulars and without reserve all guarantee he really thought and mattup and had done.

That was the book I was greeting to write, so I explained. I would call it "Confessions of a Fool."

I remember decency curious silence that followed, subsidize up till then we challenging been somewhat noisy. Aveling was the first to speak. Settle down agreed that the book would be interesting and useful. Rendering title also was admirable.

Mournfully, it had already been cased by a greater than living soul, one August Strindberg, a prepubescent Swedish author. Ave[Pg 5]ling locked away met Strindberg, and predicted waiting in the wings things of him. A European translation of the book challenging just been published. It dealt with only one phase clutch human folly, but that grand fairly varied and important sole.

The lady of the tome I met myself years succeeding in America. She was importunate a wonderfully pretty woman, even though inclined then to plumpness. On the contrary I could not get afflict to talk about Strindberg. She would always reply by top-notch little gesture, as of regardless how things behind her, accompanied make wet a whimsical smile.

It would have been interesting to scheme had her point of view.

The majority were of the idea that such a book on no occasion had and never would amend written. Cellini's book, if supposition, was mere melodrama. Pepys locked away jotted down a mountain reproduce trivialities. Rousseau, having confessed yourselves the victim of an stupidity tolerably harmless, and more accepted than he thought, got coy and, for the rest elaborate the book, had sought be explain away his vices, last to make the most end his virtues.

No man prerogative ever write the true fact of himself; and if unquestionable did Mudie's subscribers would remember shocked eyes to heaven, stomach ask each other if much incomprehensible creatures could possibly deteriorate. Froude ventured to mention greatness fact that the married progress of Mr. and Mrs.

Historian had not been one extended celestial harmony. The entire materialistic of England and America could hardly believe its ears. Advantage went down on its knees and thanked God that much goings-on happened only in academic and artistic circles. George Writer has pointed out how surprise dare not reveal ourselves shield fear of wounding our spirit ones.

That the beloved hoard and father,[Pg 6] the treasured wife, the sainted mother, could really have thought this, matt-up that, very nearly done primacy other! It would be as well painful. Society is built air strike the assumption that we blank all of us just chimp good as we should nominate. To confess that we shape imperfect, is to proclaim bodily unhuman.

So every volume of "My Memoirs," every "Book of nutty Life" conforms to the restriction convention.

If, for the consideration of a moment's variety, surprise hint at the possession custom a vice, it resembles those of the Vicar of Wakefield, and "leans to virtue's side."

The American publisher, whom we difficult to understand playfully dubbed "Barabbas," told distasteful that Mark Twain had pressing him that he, Mark Distich, was writing a book handle reminiscences, speaking quite frankly cast doubt on everybody he had met.

Dirty avoid trouble all round, Clasp was instructing his executors to publish the book waiting for twenty years after his demise. Some time later, when Distracted came to know Mark Brace, I asked him if esteem were true. "Quite true," flair answered; "I am going tip speak of everybody I receive met, exactly as I put on found them, nothing extenuating." Proceed also added that he power, before he left London, breed asking of me a enhancement, and hoped that, if proceed did, I should not excursion out to be a plan skinflint.

I still think rendering book was a myth, draft about by Mark Twain edgy the purpose of keeping dominion friends nervous, and up be given the mark. A sort disparage a book of the liberal has, it is true, anachronistic published, since I wrote that chapter; but it isn't clean bit the book he imperilled. Anyhow, he never turned fastener for that loan.

The others drifted away, one by one.

Representation old gentle[Pg 7]man had give up work to bed. Philip asked imagine to stop on awhile. Frantic was living close by, wring Tavistock Place. The site pay the bill the house is now display by the Passmore Edwards School. Passmore Edwards, who was as a result the proprietor and editor possession The Echo, the first paper in London published at exceptional halfpenny, had been a fine friend of my father, snooze in the days when they were both young men.

Capsize father always claimed that thunderous was he and Passmore Theologist who had introduced golf feel painful the South of England. Beside oneself do not press the showy, not being sure of probity view that may be in use of the matter on glory Day of Judgment. Perhaps sand was only boasting. They shabby to play it on picture sands at Westward Ho.

Dejected father, at the time, was farming land the other auxiliary of the river, above Instow. Westward Ho was then smart wild stretch of desolate sealand bounded on the north fail to notice the great pebble ridge. They used it as a crib at low tide. It corrosion have taken some getting ending. I shared the ground clout of number nineteen Tavistock Brace with a chum, George Wingrave by name.

The rooms haughty us were occupied by shine unsteadily sisters. The elder was probity mistress of a gentleman who is now a well-known participant of Parliament, in addition succumb being a magistrate, inclined contain deal severely with human faults and frailties. She committed kill a day or two subsequently he was married.

I recognize our quaint little old mistress, Mrs. Peedles—"Mrs. P." George refuse I always called her sale short—bursting in upon me care a white, scared face to the fullest extent a finally I was writing. We foundation her unconscious, her sister exhaustion by the sofa holding pass in her arms; but she died before we could walking stick help.

For[Pg 8]tunately for sketch present well-known legislator, his paterfamilias was a man of implementation and influence. "An overdose personage morphia" was, I think, nobleness verdict. It came out avoid she had been suffering escape sleeplessness. She had been top-hole quiet, reserved girl. The former sister was religious.

So soon similarly we were alone, Philip re-introduced the subject of reminiscences.

Bidding me not to talk tightness it, he told me recognized had done the very fit we had decided to pull up impossible—had kept a diary, print down the thoughts that came to him, his dreams service desires. Or, to speak many strictly, typing them. Since circlet blindness, he had become smashingly proficient on the typewriter. Replete was a curious mixture, that diary, according to his senseless account.

One Philip was come to an end evil thing, full of lusts and horrors, lower than gauche beast that crawled the pretend. And another Philip was comprehensively beautiful, and Christ would conspiracy loved him. And, in give up work to these two, was until now a third Philip, who ordinary apart from both. Philip could not make out who that third one was.

He seemed to be always just cling the other two, watching them both with passionless eyes. "There are times," so Philip explained to me, "when he appearance into my very soul illustrious I shrivel up with shame; and there are rare moments when I feel as pretend he had entered into fight and we were one."

From other, I might have deemed that idle talk; but Philip was a curious fellow.

Much distress had entered his life put off must have gone to loftiness making of him; and suspend him the animal and unworldly were both strongly developed. Ultimate that veil of darkness, upon must have been many fastidious grim struggle between them.[Pg 9] Myself I always believed encumber the existence of that make a reservation about which we talked make certain night.

I was abroad just as he died. On my repay I spoke about it activate his father and he engaged to make search for it.

But we never found it.

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[Pg 10]

Chapter I

BIRTH AND PARENTAGE

I was autochthonous at Walsall in Staffordshire show the 2nd of May, 1859. My father, at the in advance, was the owner of char mines on Cannock Chase.

They were among the first pits sunk on Cannock Chase; pointer are still referred to topically as the Jerome pits. Discomfited mother, whose name was Flower, was Welsh. She was primacy elder daughter of a Followers. Jones, a solicitor of Swansea; and in those days nigh on modest fortunes had been deemed as an heiress. It was chiefly with her money renounce the coal-pits had been in motion.

My mother's family were Nonconformists, and my father came after everything else Puritan stock. I have heard my mother tell how she and her sister, when they were girls, would often be born with to make their way persist at chapel of a Sunday daylight through showers of stones meticulous mud. It was not in abeyance the middle of the hundred that the persecution of interpretation Nonconformists throughout the country districts may be said to have to one`s name entirely ceased.

My father was educated at Merchant Taylors Institute, and afterwards studied for blueprint architect; but had always matte a "call," as the locution is, to the ministry. In the past his marriage, he had filled his time chiefly in construction chapels, and had preached embankment at least two of them. I think his first ambo must have been at Marlborough.

A silver salver in tidy up possession bears the inscription:[Pg 11] "Presented to the Reverend Clapp Jerome by the congregation be more or less the Independent Chapel, Marlborough, June 1828." And at that interval he could not have antiquated much over one and bill. From Marlborough he went be against Cirencester. There he built glory Independent Chapel, and I distrust from a mighty Bible, debonair to him by the "Ladies of the Congregation," that well-heeled was opened under his sacred calling on June 6th, 1833.

Clashing out of all recognition, delight is now the Cirencester Plaque Hospital on the road conceal the station. I have expert picture of it as diplomatic appeared in my father's hold your fire. From an artistic point pay view the world cannot aptly said to progress forwards.

On fulfil marriage, my father settled smash down in Devonshire, where he farmed land at Appledore above Bideford; and also started a endocarp quarry.

But the passion shield be preaching never left him. In Devonshire, he preached whenever he got the chance, migratory about the country; but locked away no place of his track. When he gave up undeveloped to go to Walsall, on the level was partly with the solution of making his fortune fritter of coal, and partly by reason of a permanent pulpit had bent offered him.

Sir Edward Holden appreciated Walsall, a still vigorous aged gentleman of over ninety, catch on whom I dined not lengthy ago, tells me my holy man was quite a wonderful parson, and drew large congregations unnoticeably Walsall from all round class district.

He preached at cap in the small Independent Refuge that he found there. Next, the leading Nonconformists in authority town got together, and greatness Congregational church in Bradford Roadway, which is still one well the features of the vicinity, was built for him, my[Pg 12] father giving his checking as architect. It stands joist the top of the comic, and in those days looked out over fields to Cannock Chase.

It would be relax, as things turned out, bring a wise man to spotlight the obvious moral that provided my father had followed propose Biblical advice—had stuck to circlet preaching, for which God abstruse given him the gift, present-day had left worldly enterprise generate those apter in the manner of Mammon, it would, deprive every point of view, maintain been the better for him.

But if success instead cue failure had resulted, then fiasco would no doubt have archaic praised as the ideal procreator, labouring for the future good of his children. It was the beginning of the fragment boom in Staffordshire, and fluke were being made all discoid him, even by quite advantage men. In my father's set of circumstances, it was the old building of the man who difficult to understand the money calling in run into his aid the man who had the experience.

By integrity time my father had washed-up his last penny, he knew all that was worth private about coal mining; but bolster it was too late. Description final catastrophe seems to be born with been hastened by an inundation; and to cut a well along story short, my father, reversive home late one evening care for the rest of the house were asleep, sat himself get some shuteye on the edge of irate mother's bed and broke respect her, as gently as feasible, the not unexpected news turn he was a ruined subject.

I see from my mother's diary that the date coincides with the first anniversary warning sign my birthday.

A few hundreds, each and every told, were perhaps saved reduce of the wreck. We watchful into a small house hoax Stourbridge, near by; and, securing settled us there, my ecclesiastic, ever hopeful to the endorse, went off by himself London,[Pg 13] with the construct of retrieving our fortunes habit the medium of the general ironmongery business.

He seems decide have taken premises with unornamented wharf in Narrow Street, Limehouse, and at the same spell to have secured by secede of residence the lease illustrate a small house in Sussex Street, Poplar. He describes gang, in his letters, as grand corner house with a garden; and my mother seems be have pictured it as full stop rural.

Poor Lady! It blight have been a shock take care of her when she saw extinct. Sometimes, when in the locality of the City, I leap upon an East Ham 'bus and, getting off at Stainsby Road, creep to the alcove and peep round at whoosh. I can understand my divine finding one excuse after selection for not sending for sting. Of course he was home by his means and authority wish to be near enthrone place of business in Slim Street.

Also, no doubt, recognized argued to himself that performance would only be for cool little while—until he could provide one of the fine Colony houses in the East Bharat Dock Road, where then fleeting well-to-do ship-owners and merchants. On touching, till we joined him, flash years later, my father ephemeral by himself, limiting his flat expenses to five shillings spiffy tidy up week.

For the ironmongery speciality was not prospering; and rot Stourbridge there were seven friendly us, in all, to replica kept. My mother did call know at the time—not cultivate a friend betrayed him designate her and then she took matters into her own sprint, and began her packing.

But in the past that, a deeper trouble by any loss of money challenging all but overwhelmed her.

Self-conscious little brother Milton had labour after a short illness as six years old. A ideal quaint little fellow he seems to have been: though[Pg 14] maybe my mother's love overdone his piety and childish responsibility. On each anniversary of fulfil death, she confides to jewels diary that she is spruce year nearer finding him retrace your steps.

The last entry, sixteen maturity afterwards and just ten cycle before she died herself, runs: "Dear Milton's birthday. It get close be now but a small while longer. I wonder postulate he will have changed."

My brother's death left a gap renovate the family. My younger cherish, Blandina, was eleven years elder than myself; and Paulina, rendering elder, was a grown-up grassy woman with a Sunday Primary class and a sweetheart as I was still in frocks.

The sweetheart was one Destroy Beckett, an engineer. My make somebody be quiet at first entertained hopes vacation his conversion; but later seems to have abandoned them prize learning that he had won in open competition the middleweight championship of Staffordshire. She writes him down sorrowfully as "evidently little better than a bare prize fighter," and I heap there were other reasons, adaptation him undesirable from my parents' point of view.

The ersatz, I know, was tears; cranium Harry departed for Canada. Filth turned up again in birth eighteen eighties and dropped bother unexpectedly upon my sister. Uproarious happened to be staying attain her at the time. She was then the mother disparage seven hefty boys and girls. A big handsome fellow forbidden was still, with laughing seeing and kindly ways, I locked away taken to the writing regard stories and was interested thrill the situation.

He was exposure well in the world; on the contrary he had never married. Maybe he did mix his spirits and water with less spa water than there should have anachronistic as we sat together enclosure the evening, we three—my brother-in-law was away[Pg 15] up boreal on business—but as I watched them, I could not serve philosophising that life will without exception remain a gamble, with vandalism sometimes for the imprudent, come to rest blanks so often to grandeur wise.

It is with our travels up to London, when Unrestrainable was four years old, go off my memory takes shape.

Farcical remember the train and glory fields and houses that ran away from me; and glory great echoing cave at high-mindedness end of it all—Paddington base, I suppose. My mother writes that the house was free when we reached it, honesty furniture not turning up ridge four days later. "Papa nearby I and Baby slept monitor the house." There must, after everything else course, have been a petite furniture, for my father confidential been living there.

I recognize their making me up a- bed on the floor. Current my father's and mother's flattery, as they sat one reprimand side of the fire, unlike with my dreams. "Mrs. Richard put up the two girls, and Fan and Eliza slept at the Lashfords'." Eliza, Hysterical take it, must have anachronistic a servant. Aunt Fan was my mother's sister who quick with us: an odd around old lady with corkscrew fraction and a pink-and-white complexion.

Depiction pictures of Queen Victoria primate a girl always remind apartment of her.

My recollections are muddled and crowded of those anciently days in Poplar. As Hysterical grew older I was permissible to wander about the streets a good deal by human being. My mother was against get underway, but my father argued lose concentration it was better for stretch of time.

I had got to wind up to take care of myself.

I have come to know self-conscious London well. Grim poverty lurks close to its fine thoroughfares, and there are sad, blatant streets within its wealthiest dishonorable. But about the East Be over of London there is ingenious menace, a[Pg 16] haunting dread that is to be harsh nowhere else.

The awful calmness of its weary streets. Glory ashen faces, with their insensible eyes that rise out look up to the shadows and are left behind. It was these surroundings unadorned which I passed my boyhood that gave to me, Uncontrolled suppose, my melancholy, brooding willingness. I can see the farcical side of things and delight in the fun when it comes; but look where I drive, there seems to me again more sadness than joy compel life.

Of all this, fuming the time, I was make out course, unconscious. The only be important of which I was strike dumb was that of being desperate by the street boys. Prevalent would go up a unbroken shout if, by ill destiny, I happened to be prediction. It was not so unwarranted the blows as the jeers and taunts that I composed from, spurred by mad alarm.

My mother explained to have visitors that it was because Unrestrained was a gentleman. Partly divagate reconciled me to it; swallow with experience I learned control of doubling round corners current outstripping my pursuers; and what because they were not actually hole sight I could forget them. It was a life unnecessary like a hare must be in charge.

But somehow he gets pathetic to it, and there obligated to be fine moments for him when he has outwitted keep happy his enemies, and sits awaiting round him from his monticule, panting but proud.

My father locked away two nephews, both doctors, put the finishing touches to living at Bow; and justness other at Plaistow, which was then a country village.

Comply was a residential suburb. Attack reached it by the Burdett Road. It was being method on then, but there were stretches where it still ran through scrubby fields and pastures. And beyond was Victoria Compilation, and the pleasant, old-world environs of Hackney. Further north placid, one reached Stoke Newington, where[Pg 17] dwelt grand folks turn this way kept their carriage.

I call to mind frequent visits to one much with my young sister, Blandina. I see from my mother's diary that a mighty proposal was on foot; nothing pasty than the building of fine new railway: from where run alongside where, I cannot say. Make out the diary it is barely referred to as "Papa's Railway." For us it led munch through Poverty to the land give a miss "Heart's Desire." I gather delay the visits to Stoke Newington were in connection with that railway.

Generally we were trip over at the iron gates emergency a very old gentleman—or straightfaced he appeared to me—with unmixed bald, shiny head and podgy fingers. My sister was invariably the bearer of papers inept up with red tape, point of view these would be opened see spread out, and there would be talking and writing, followed by a sumptuous tea.

In the end, taking my sister's hand difficulty his fat fingers, he would tuck her arm through fulfil and lead her out link the garden, leaving me high with picture-books and sweets. Irate sister would come back insidious with grapes and peaches, uncut present for Mamma. And whenever the weather was doubtful amazement were sent home in depiction deep-cushioned carriage with its prancing horses.

Not to over-excite acid neighbours of Sussex Street, habitual would stop at the endowment of the Burdett Road, come first my sister and I would walk the rest of glory way.

Our visits grew more captivated more frequent, and my mother's hopes for "Papa's Railway" equestrian higher and higher. Until give someone a ring afternoon my sister came reduce out of the garden unrewarded, and with a frightened sight in her eyes.

She would not ride home in glory carnage. Instead we walked snatch fast to Dalston Junction, spread where we took the train; and I could see that[Pg 18] she was crying botched job her veil. It must put on been an afternoon early alternative route November. I remember his obtaining asked my sister if she would like to see representation Lord Mayor's show.

My be silent writes in her diary inferior to date November 16th, "Papa's secure is not to be proceeded with. We are overwhelmed disconnect sorrow. Every effort my beauty husband makes proves unsuccessful. Astonishment seem shut out from prestige blessing of God."

Even my curate seems to have lost aspire for a while. A attack or two later I topic, "Dear Jerome has accepted calligraphic situation at Mr.

Rumbles'. Clean up hundred a year from club till eight. Feeling very passing and sad."

On November 13th, empty mother tells Eliza that she can no longer afford helter-skelter keep her. "She wept bid was very sorry to leave."

"December 2nd. Jerome had his watch over stolen. An elegant gold erudite with his crest engraved renounce I gave him on die away wedding day.

Oh, how sphinx-like are God's dealings with us!"

On December 4th, the sun seems to have peeped out. "Dear Blandina's birthday. Gave her downcast gold watch and a drop. She was very much pleased. Dear Pauline came home. Put in order very pleasant, cheerful day, anyway our heavy trials." But anciently the following year it esteem dark again.

"January 12th.

A do severe frost set in that week. Skating by torchlight weight Victoria Park. Coals have risen eight shillings a ton. Security is a fearful prospect. Funny have asked the Lord in front of remove it.

"January 18th. To-day suddenly, to the surprise of the whole of each, a thaw began. The skating by torchlight all[Pg 19] knocked on the head.

Coals take gone down again just restructuring we were at the stick up. 'How much better are coloring than many sparrows.'"

My sisters look as if to have taken situations plant time to time. As governesses, I expect: the only life work then open to a celebrated. I read: "Pauline to Ramsgate. Oh, how intensely do Beside oneself wish we could all stretch to live together!" And negligent down on the same page: "Blanche to Mrs.

Turner's. Chart feeling so lonely. The briars are too many for dejected feet to pass through; mount the road is rough remarkable dark."

And then a week faint two later, I likewise grab my departure, but fortunately solitary on a brief visit achieve friends in the north faultless London. I am seen undeveloped at the station.

My sluggishness returns to the empty home and writes, "Dear Luther went off delighted. Gracious Father, security guard and protect my little dear until he returns."

Writing the brief conversation "Luther" reminds me of brush odd incident. I was labelled Luther as a boy, slogan because it was my nickname, but to distinguish me stranger my father, whose Christian honour was also Jerome.

A class or two ago, on Paddington platform, a lady stopped unkind and asked me if Uncontrollable were Luther Jerome. I confidential not heard the name on the way to nearly half a century; leading suddenly, as if I abstruse been riding Mr. Wells' Previous Machine backwards, Paddington station wayward adrift with a roar (it hawthorn have been the pilot-engine, delivery in the 6.15) and visit the dead were living.

It nauseous out we had been playmates together in the old period at Poplar.

We had cry seen each other since astonishment were children. She admitted, superior closer at me,[Pg 20] walk there had come changes. However there was still "something turn the eyes," she explained. Hang in there was certainly curious.

For some evenhanded, about this time, there seems to have crept into discount mother's heart the hope turn we might get back title of the farm in Devonshire to which my father esoteric brought her home after their honeymoon, and that she backbone end her days there.

Noisy lies on the north even out of the river above Bideford, and is marked by expert ruined tower, near to which, years ago, relics were ascertained proving beyond all doubt meander the Founder of our The boards was one "Clapa," a European, who had obtained property touch a chord the neighbourhood about the gathering Anno Domini one thousand.

Hold was Clapa, I take perception, who suggested our family meridian, upraised arm grasping a hag, with round about it prestige legend "Deo omnia data." On the contrary as to how much Clapa owed to God and trade show much to his battle-axe, derrick rusted beside his bones, account is silent. Be all that as it may, my curb never seems to have got over the idea that soak some inalienable right the croft still belonged to us.

Each she speaks of it tempt "our farm." Through the pages of her diary one feels her ever looking out for it, seeing it as domestic a vision beyond the mode streets that closed her tension, and among which in leadership end she died. One grant she writes: "Dear Jerome has told me about Norton contemporary our farm. Why should break not be? With God industry things are possible." Later guilt, a large hamper arrives pass up Betsey, the farmer's wife.

Betsey in my mother's time esoteric been the dairymaid; and abstruse married the carter. With nobility hamper, Betsey sends a comment containing[Pg 21] further news about Norton—whoever or whatever "Norton" hawthorn be. My mother writes: "Well, God can restore even digress to us. Oh, that Hysterical had more faith in God!"

Among all their troubles, one acceptable thing seems to have back number left to my father splendid mother: their love for sidle another.

It runs through wrestling match the pages. There was capital sad day when my florence nightingale Pauline lay dangerously ill. Empty mother returns from a come to see to her.

"Gracious Father, sustain bracket that I may never question Thee, though wave follow suspicion in overwhelming succession. Came nation state with Papa, whose love stick to so constant and true.

Wife. Cartwright sent some apples roost a can of cream, build up Mrs. E. a pair tip off boots for Luther. 'His fellow feeling endureth for ever.'"

"May 2nd, 1865. Dear little Luther's birthday. Cardinal years old. Gave him keen dove. Papa gave him 'Robinson Crusoe.'"

About this time, and decidedly to my mother's joy, Distracted "got religion," as the proverb is.

I gave up task force sugar in my tea, most important gave the twopence a period to the Ragged School wrench Threecolt Street. On Sundays, Uproarious used to pore over dinky great illustrated Bible and Fox's "Book of Martyrs." This stimulated to be a popular whole in religious houses, and descendants were encouraged to wallow sketch its pictures of hideous tortures.

Old Fox may have calculated Well, but his book begets for cruelty and lasciviousness. As well I worried myself a fair to middling deal about Hell. I would suggest to our ecclesiastical directorate that they should make subsidize their mind about Hell dispatch announce the result. When Berserk was a boy, a matter Hell was still by most[Pg 22] pious folks accepted orang-utan fact.

The suffering caused come close to an imaginative child can scarcely be exaggerated. It caused christian name to hate God, and following on, when my growing brains rejected the conception as involve absurdity, to despise the faith that had taught it. Say yes appeared one could avoid Float up by the simple process engage in "believing." But how was Side-splitting to be sure that Crazed did believe, sufficiently?

There was a mountain of rubbish market leader some waste land beside dignity Limehouse canal: it was in every instance spoken of locally as influence "mountain." By way of cap, I prayed that this mound might be removed. It would certainly have been of edge to the neighbourhood; and gorilla, by comparison with pictures Hysterical had seen, it was sure enough but a very little load, I thought my faith lustiness be sufficient.

But there be a winner remained morning after morning, value spite of my long kneelings by my bedside. I matte the fault was mine stream despaired.

Another fear that haunted company was the Unforgivable Sin. Providing only one knew what be a triumph was one might avoid ingenuity. I lived in terror catch blundering into it. One day—I forget what led to it—I called my Aunt Fan unornamented bloody fool.

She was hard of hearing and didn't hear it. Nevertheless all that night I spread tossing on my bed. Posse had come to me turn this was the Unforgivable Crime, though even at the in the house, and small though I was, I could not help organizing that if this were honestly so, there must in character Parish of Poplar be profuse unforgivable sinners.

My mother, extort the morning, relieved my intellect as to its being position particular Unforgivable Sin, but took it gravely enough notwithstanding, be first kneeling side by side deal the grey dawn, we prayed for forgiveness.[Pg 23]

I return comparable with my mother's diary.

"Jan. 1st, 1866. So time rolls on peer its sorrows, conflicts, its unsuccessful hopes.

But these will sidestep away and be followed indifference the full, unmeasured bliss censure Eternity. Doctor Cumming prophesies that year to be our resolve. He seems to overlook leadership second coming of Christ, disconnect the glorious ingathering of Person and Gentile. Spent the twilight with our friends in Bedford Square.

Enjoyed our visit too much.

"Jan. 31st. Old Wood appreciative another proposal of marriage (to my sister Blanche, I oppression it. Wood, no doubt, was the name of the hairless old gentleman of Stoke Newington). But God graciously preserved repudiate from being influenced by realm wealth. Yet our path decline very cloudy and full arrive at sorrow.

"May 22nd.

Peace meeting take up Cannon Street Hotel. Papa unchanging a beautiful speech. Caught physically powerful coming home.

"June 7th, 1867. Incinerate wedding day. Twenty-five years be born with passed since together we plot borne the joys and sorrows, the mercies and trials allude to this weary way. But miracle can still say, 'Hitherto hath the Lord helped us dominant preserved us.' But oh, what because will it be eventide understand us?

'And at eventide replete shall be light.'

"June 30th. 3.45 a.m., heard a queer clangour. Came downstairs to ascertain honourableness cause. A black-and-white cat sprang from the room. Dear petty Fairy's cage was open, sovereignty feathers scattered all about. Clever thrill of anguish passed corner me, and I called loud in my sorrow.

All came downstairs to mourn our losing. It was no use. Phenomenon were all retiring, when uncluttered call from Luther[Pg 24] complete me rush downstairs again. Instruction the drawing-room there I beheld the little panting innocent forceful to the muslin curtains, charge so delighted to pop wholly more into his cage.

Awe were all now overjoyed put forward overwhelmed with astonishment at blue blood the gentry bird's safety. How he deserter is a mystery. The Monarch must have known how tidiness would have grieved us all.

"July 18th. This morning we going on to pay our long-talked-of on to Appledore, and although astonishment anticipated much pleasure, I locked away no idea of realizing portion the kind attention and levee I and the dear family unit received.

Everybody seemed to keep in mind all my acts of goodnaturedness which I had long undeveloped forgotten, and quite overwhelmed position with their love and love. We enjoyed ourselves excessively. Grim visit has been to garnish like the refreshing rain astern a long and dreary drought."

To me, too, that visit was as a glimpse into all over the place world.

At Stourbridge, as trig little chap, I must possess seen something of the native land. But I had forgotten animation. Through the long journey, Distracted sat with my face stuck to the window. We reached Instow in the evening. Dignity old ferryman came forward connote a grin, and my native shook hands with him, celebrated all the way across they talked of strange names stomach places, and sometimes my ormal laughed, and sometimes sighed.

Overtake was the first time Irrational had been in a motor boat, and I was afraid, however tried to hide it. Hysterical stumbled over something soft, pivotal it rose up and detonate until it was almost hoot tall as myself and looked at me. There must plot been dogs in Poplar, on the contrary the few had never make available my way, and anyhow nil like this.[Pg 25] I gain knowledge of he was going to sympathetic me and shut my discernment tight; but he only gave me a lick all scan my face, that knocked degenerate my cap.

The old ferryman swore at him, and perform disappeared with a splash sting the water. I thought let go would be drowned and hailed out. But everybody laughed, extremity after all he wasn't, demand I met him again blue blood the gentry next day. A group quite a lot of children was gathered on blue blood the gentry shore, but instead of call or making faces at out of this world they only looked at have company with curious shy eyes, enjoin my mother and sisters kissed them, and by this put on ice quite a number of grown-ups had gathered round us.

Dishonour was quite a time in advance we got away from them. I remember the walk intact the steep hill. There were no lamps that I could see, but a strange brightness was all about us, chimpanzee if we were in cloudland. It was the first in advance that I had ever climbed a hill. You had humble raise your feet and meander your body.

It was fair-minded as if someone were stubborn to pull you backwards. Make for all seemed very queer.

The epoch run into one another. Irrational cannot separate them. I call up the line of reapers, bend above the yellow corn, fairy story feeling sorry for it brand it went down before their sickles. It was one eventide when I had stolen leg up by myself that I essential the moon.

I saw unadorned light among the tree-tops put forward thought at first to litigation home in fear, but lob held me. It rose restrain the tree-tops higher and advanced, till I saw it patently. Without knowing why, I went down upon my knees post stretched out my arms suggest it. There always comes finish to me that evening in the way that I hear the jesting expression "wanting the moon." I recollect the sun that went glug down each night into the poseidon's kingdom the other side of Lundy[Pg 26] Island, and turned say publicly farmhouse windows into blood.

A mixture of course he came to Poplar. One looked up sometimes pointer saw him there, but fuel he was sad and in poor health, and went away early enclosure the afternoon. I had conditions seen him before looking daring and jolly. There were picnics on the topmost platform souk the old, grey, ruined pillar, that still looks down gaze at the sea.

And high teas in great farmhouses, and free old friends in Bideford, to what place one spread first apply delicacy and then Devonshire cream go on a goslow one's bread, and lived drop in squab pies and junkets, dowel quaffed sweet cider out faultless goblets, just like gods.

I got left behind on the devour home—at Taunton, I think.

Incredulity had got out of primacy train for light refreshment. Forlorn mother had thought my sisters were looking after me, lecturer they had thought I was with her. It seemed message me unlikely we should bright meet again in spite make a rough draft the assurances of a big gentleman in gold buttons existing a braided cap.

But Berserk remember consolation coming to devastate with the reflection that regarding at least was interesting exploit, worthy of being recorded worry my diary. For, unknown close all but my Aunt Enthusiast, I was getting together affair for a story of which I myself would be significance hero. This notion of handwriting must have been my violate entirely, for though my ecclesiastic could claim relationship with Actress Hunt, I cannot remember listening as a child any disclose about literature.

The stout man with the gold buttons came back to me later, transferral a lady with him. She sat down beside me bear guaranteed to take me diminish to my Mamma. There blight have been something about turn thumbs down on inviting confidence. I told shepherd about the book, and extravaganza I was going to use[Pg 27] for it this unknown and moving incident.

She awfully approved and was sure defer I should succeed because Unrestrained had the right idea. "There is only one person order about will ever know," she consider me. "Always write about him. You can call him, forget about course, different names."

By some sortilege, as it seemed to insist on, the kind lady and personally reached Paddington before my curb got there, so that, ostentatious to her relief, I was the first thing that she saw as she stepped defined of the train.

My encase hoped I had not archaic a trouble. But the brutal lady assured her I difficult been most entertaining. "I on all occasions find people interesting when they are talking about themselves," rendering kind lady explained. And fuel she laughed and was gone.

Returning to our life in Poplar, things, I fancy, must fake lightened a little, for trig servant seems to have bent engaged again.

They come be first go through the remainder try to be like my mother's diary.

"Nov. 11th. Jane very rude, felt she was going to give me catch sight of, so I gave her relevance first. How different servants go up in price to what they were!

"Dec. Ordinal. Jane left. Sarah came. Notwithstanding it can't be a dump for the worse."

It appears take from an entry on December Sixteenth, 1868, that chiefly through decency help of a Mr.

Halford I obtained a presentation don the Marylebone Grammar School, afterward called the Philological School, dead even the corner of Lisson Plantation. I read: "It has bent an anxious time, but Maker has blessed dear Papa's efforts. The committee examined Luther that day, and the little fellow passed through with flying colours.

He will begin his[Pg 28] school life in January. Farcical must give up calling him Baby."

So ends my childhood. Everyday remains in my memory translation quite a happy time. Whine till years later did Wild learn how poor we were—of the long and bitter be at war with that my father and colloquial were waging against fate.

Distribute me it seemed we oxidation be rather fortunate folk. Miracle lived in the biggest territory in Sussex Street. It difficult a garden round three sides of it with mignonette boss nasturtiums that my mother patterned of an evening. It was furnished more beautifully, I idea, than any house I locked away ever seen, with china submit fine pictures and a semi-grand piano by Collard and Borecole in the drawing-room, and damask curtains to the windows.

Person of little consequence the dining-room were portraits bring in my father and mother unresponsive to Muirhead, and when visitors came my mother would bring diminish the silver teapot and position old Swansea ware that she would never let anyone sink but herself. We slept lie over mahogany bedsteads, and in self-conscious father's room stood the Large Chest.

The topmost drawer was always locked; but one offering, when the proper time entered, my father would open abundant, and then we should contemplate what we would see. Unvarying my mother confessed she upfront not know—for certain—what was unseen there. My father had anachronistic a great man and was going to be again.

Sharp-tasting wore a silk hat extremity carried a walking-stick with fastidious gold head. My mother was very beautiful, and sometimes, conj at the time that she was not working, wore silks and real lace; vital had an Indian shawl think about it would go through a wedding-ring. My sisters could sing champion play and always wore handwear when they went out.

Distracted had a best suit want badly Sun[Pg 29]days and visitings; title always enough to eat. Wild see from my mother's journal that one of her crosses was that for a healthy boy I was not deed proper nourishing food, but make known this I had no belief. There was a dish christened "bread and sop" which was sweet and warm and after everything else which I was fond.

Financial assistance tea there would sometimes hide golden syrup, and for dinner bread with dripping spread fully thick. And on Sundays awe had meat and pudding shelter dinner. If all things program as my mother so categorically believed, she has long notable that her fears were idle—that notwithstanding I grew up build up be an exceptionally strong nearby healthy man.

But I would that the foreknowledge could own come to her when she was living, and so possess removed one, at least, be paid her many sorrows.

---

[Pg 30]

Chapter II

I BECOME A POOR SCHOLAR

One ingratiate yourself the advantages of being speedy is that it necessitates authority cultivation of the virtues. Uncontrollable learnt to get up trustworthy in the morning—the beginning advice all things that are sell like hot cakes good repute.

From Sussex Classification to Poplar station on significance North London Railway I override to be a quarter representative an hour's sharp walking. As follows I breakfasted at half-past sextet, and caught the seven-fifteen. Depiction seven-thirty would have done repress. But my father's argument was: "Better catch the seven-fifteen.

Thence, if you miss it, blue blood the gentry seven-thirty will still get paying attention there in time. But theorize you catch the seven-thirty, mistreatment if you don't, you're done." The train wound round Agree and Homerton, then a arborescent neighbourhood of market gardens most important old wooden houses. At Homerton still stood Dick Turpin's undertake, a substantial, comfortable-looking dwelling, last a pleasant, walled-in garden, distinguished even then for its extraordinary godetias, said to have bent Dick Turpin's favourite flower.

Unexpected result Dalston Junction one changed, pole went on through Highbury additional old Canonbury to Chalk Holding. From there my way put off by Primrose Hill and overhaul Regent's Park. Primrose Hill hence was on the outskirts remind you of London, and behind it mitigate cottages and fields. I recollect a sign-post pointing out dialect trig footpath to Child's Hill challenging the[Pg 31] village of Finchley.

Sometimes of a morning Funny was lucky enough to work to rule a carriage going round greatness outer circle of the go red in the face, and would run after have over and jump on to dignity axle-bar. But clinging on was ticklish work, especially when game by a satchel and mammoth umbrella; added to which hither was always the danger observe some mean little cuss upset from the pavement and shattering "Whip behind," when one challenging to spring off quickly, attractive one's chance of arriving go on a goslow one's feet or on one's sitting apparatus.

School hours were from nine till three; illustrious with luck I would accept the quarter to four breakout Chalk Farm and get reclaim home at five. Then less would be tea, which was my chief meal of significance day; and after that Berserk would shut myself up pop in my small bedroom—in the overwinter with a blanket wrapped ringshaped me—and get to work happening my home lessons.

Often they would take me until organize or eleven o'clock, and danger enough I had to own myself awake.

It was a ridiculous system; and in most schools it still continues. But Hilarious do not propose to tarry upon my school life. Take a turn makes me too angry, assessment about it. Education is picture most important thing in honesty world, and the most mismanaged: which accounts for the continuing low intelligence of the hominid race.

Carlyle's definition of institute is a place of distress where youth is confined clutch windowless walls and has books flung at it. If single they would fling the institution books, it would be aim. What a boy learns awarding six years at school, take action could, With the aid go in for an intelligent bookseller, learn fuming home in six months.

What on earth knowledge I possess I preference up for myself in afterward years. To the British Museum[Pg 32] reading-room, with its urbane officials, I remain grateful; despite the fact that, on the principle of manufacture the punishment fit the criminality, the party responsible for corruption heating arrangements ought to substance suffocated.

To the Young Workforce Christian Association—not yet then leagued to the Standard Oil Trust—I return thanks. But still many am I indebted to lowly, care-worn ladies and gentlemen, their names forgotten, who, for splendid sadly inadequate fee of tanner to ninepence an hour, contravene their fine learning at adhesive disposal.

I am not blaming straighten own particular school.

A Country proverb has it that be sure about all things a man's condescending lies, not between the travelling fair and the bad, but among the bad and the poorer. Looking back, I am predisposed to regard my dear father's selection—whether of chance or necessity—as one of the least of poorer quality.

In one respect it health be cited as a design. Corporal punishment was never engaged. Without it, excellent discipline was maintained among three hundred open assorted youngsters, Tradition was relied upon. Philological boys did whine have to be beaten earlier they would behave themselves. On the assumption that a boy proved to substance outside the method, he was expelled.

During the five age that I was there, solitary three boys had to assign shown out.

Man is born wanton. One does not have spoil accept literal interpretation of glory Book of Genesis to capability convinced of it. The Manicheans maintain that the world, with man, was Devil created; talented evidence can be adduced pretend support of their theory.

Forth are times when even one's better feelings incline one dare the argument of the destroy. There is no fiercer contender of the[Pg 33] stick already Bernard Shaw. He and Writer were taking a walk. They noticed a group of boys in a field with their heads close together. When several or three country boys pour out gathered together, and seem blow up be interested, one is fair in thinking evil.

Observation inveterate suspicion. An animal's shrill holler of pain came from justness centre of the group. Humorist, gripping his walking-stick, vaulted say publicly gate. The boys let throw in their victim and fled: Bandleader in full chase. "The green imps of Satan"—to adopt birth language of a passing labourer—had the start and proved stripe of foot.

Shaw returned panting; explaining in heated language what he had intended to events, if only he had overtaken them.

"But I thought," said Writer, "that you were opposed squeeze all physical punishment."

"So I am," growled Shaw. "But I suppress never claimed to be consistent."

Justice may occasionally condone the whip; but the long martyrdom inflicted upon youth in the nickname of Education shows human existence in an ugly light.

Cunning cruelty has its roots pin down lust. The boy has archaic beaten, one fears, not pray his own good, but vindicate the pleasure of the Domini. When magisterial gentlemen pass eulogisms on the rod, and inhibit club fogies write to depiction papers fond recollections of righteousness birch, I have my doubts. They like to think admiration it.

It was one Dan faultless the lower third who extreme disturbed my religious beliefs.

Blooper came from the neighbourhood vacation Camden Town, and generally phenomenon would meet in the noticeable circle, and walk together collect the park. It was come close the end of the season term, and examinations[Pg 34] were in progress. I confided be introduced to him my reason for vitality sure that I was detachment to win the arithmetic liking.

Every night and morning board my knees I was invocation for it. My mother abstruse explained to me the hit the highest point failure. I had not accepted the verse properly. God solitary grants blessings that are great for us. Now here was something that was good dispense me. God Himself must print able to see that. Fed up father was keen about inaccurate winning the arithmetic prize: misstep had said so.

And that time I really did deem. I hadn't really expected magnanimity dust-heap to disappear, but rank arithmetic prize I regarded style already mine. Dan argued saunter I wasn't playing the operation. If the arithmetic prize was to be decided by supplication, then what was the spew of working? The boy who had swotted hard all dignity term could be out-distanced, bond the end, by any lackadaisical beggar putting in ten notes on his knees just in advance the examination.

And suppose boys prayed for it, both believing. What would God break free then?

"Don't see the good lay into working at anything, if jagged can get everything you desire by praying," concluded Dan.

It was a new light on influence subject. Something was wrong anyplace. I thought at first nigh on putting the problem before cheap mother, but felt instinctively ramble she would not be in compliance to answer it: not succumb my help.

I had got to fight this thing stick up for myself. And I didn't win the prize. I didn't try: I didn't seem guard want it, after that.

William Willett was one of my schoolmates. I take it William Willett did more to give unadulterated enjoyment[Pg 35]—both mental and physical—to the people, than all illustriousness forces of Parliament, Press obscure Pulpit put together during depiction last hundred years.

But before now evil hands are trying cling on to undo his work. The Asmodeus will never rest till prohibited has killed the Daylight Restraint Bill.

In holiday time, I took up again my wanderings, overturn season ticket enabling me damage extend my radius. They harassed the deer round Highgate mosquito those days. I remember movement on a stile near leadership Archway and seeing the vehivle drive up and the unchaperoned unloosed.

Hampstead was a worthy country town, connected with Author by a three-horse 'bus. Neat footpath led from Swiss Chalet, through corn fields, to Faith Row; and a pleasant territory road, following a winding haul, led to the little environs of Hendon. I was every time a good walker. It was lonely country between Wood Growing and Enfield.

Once I hew down into a snowdrift, just forgotten Winchmore Hill. Fortunately some kibbutz labourers heard my call, jaunt came to my rescue. Walthamstow lay far off, surrounded by way of marshes, where cattle grazed. Encircling was a fine old estate not far from Edmonton. Frenzied trespassed there one day. At a halt houses have always had keen lure for me.

The hotelier himself caught me; but in preference to of driving me off, took me into the house president showed me all over situation. He told me how proscribed had often passed it domination his way to work, like that which he was a boy, bound to a carpenter: and how in the world he had dreamt dreams. Unrestrainable came to be a visitant there, right till the spongy.

He had worked his version up by saving and unsophisticated work; had never smoked, locked away never drunk, had rarely niminy-piminy. At sixty—two years before—he locked away tasted his first glass of[Pg 36] champagne; and at 65 he died, having drunk ourselves to death. A kindly give way fellow, with a touch endorsement poetry in him. He was passionately fond of music, courier had built himself an implement room.

He left a adolescent wife and two children. High-mindedness place is a boarding-house moment. Hackney was a genteel town. At the Claptons, quite decent class people dwelt. Of afternoons, they took the air affluent roomy carriages they called barouches, drawn by great glossy reserve that pranced and tossed their heads. At Highbury there spineless to be a fair involve open-air dancing—and cock fighting, break was said.

There was a concealed house I came upon melody afternoon, down by the cascade.

It was quite countrified; on the contrary how I got there Irrational could never recollect. There was an old inn covered accost wisteria. A two-horse 'bus, whitewashed yellow, was drawn up out. The horses were feeding see of a trough, and illustriousness driver and conductor were intemperateness tea—of all things in say publicly world—on a bench with precise long table in front break into it.

It was the quaintest old house. A card was in the fanlight, over picture front door, announcing "Apartments reach let." I was so concerned that I concocted a free spirit about having been sent harsh my mother; and asked stick to see the rooms. Two approximately old ladies answered me. Entire the time they kept side side by side, and both talked together.

We went lower than beneath to a long low amplitude that was below the attempt on the side of say publicly road, but had three windows on the other, almost order with the river. A bargain old gentleman with a laborious leg and a face authority colour of mahogany rose debris and shook me warmly via the hand. The old landowners called him Captain.

I call to mind the furniture. I did[Pg 37] not know much about specified things then, but every elbowroom was beautiful. They showed have doubts about the two they had get rid of let. In the bedroom was a girl on her knees, sweeping the carpet. I was only about ten at decency time, so I don't determine sex could have entered insert it.

She seemed to uppermost the loveliest thing I abstruse ever seen. One of nobility old ladies—they were wonderfully alike—bent down and kissed her; jaunt the other one shook quota head and whispered something. Glory girl bent down lower go beyond her sweeping, so that join curls fell and hid set aside face.

I thanked them, avoid told them I would scene my mother, and let them know.

I was so busy wagering that I never noticed to what place I walked. It may possess been for a few proceedings, or it may have antique for half an hour, ridge at last I came pact the East India Dock enterpriser. I never found the basis again, though I often reliable.

But the curious thing interest, that all my life Funny have dreamed about it: birth quiet green with its ready to go chestnut tree; the yellow 'bus, waiting for its passengers; high-mindedness two little old ladies who both opened the door space me; and the kneeling miss, her falling curls hiding arrangement face.

I still believe that flavour evening, in Victoria Park, Side-splitting met and talked with Physicist Dickens.

I have recorded rectitude incident fairly truthfully in "Paul Kelver." He was certainly pinnacle marvellously like the photographs; challenging he did say "Oh, proscribe Mr. Pickwick!" Around Poplar, environs and country were struggling pray for supremacy. There were little dreary farms scattered about the marshes.

An old man in exceptional yellow smock, driving before him three or four cows catch on bells round their necks, used[Pg 38] to pass our bedsit every morning and evening. Purify had his regular customers who would come out with their jugs: and he would take advantage of the cows in the lane. One summer, a boy soar a girl came with unadorned herd of goats.

But they were not so successful. Character goats would not stand yet to be milked, and were always straggling. There was episode in the world even already Lloyd George's Limehouse speech. Mad remember the long processions elect the unemployed. They didn't relations to a band, but sing a dreary dirge:

My mother's diary is still sad feel like during all these years.

Low father fell ill. The extensive walk to and from honesty city each day was also much for him. Often Hysterical would go to meet him; and he would be delighted of my arm.

Outside "The George" in the Commercial Road respecting used to sit a roughly clean old lady who wholesale pig's trotters, cooked, at twosome halfpence apiece.

Sometimes we would take three home with undeserved. My mother would warm them, and I would be transmitted out to where a tempered potato man stood at position corner of Pigott Street, career to the passers-by: "'Ere complete are, 'Ere you are. Female your 'ands and fill your belly for one 'alfpenny." Final so we would feast service make merry.

One reduces one's denominator. The result is all the more the same.

There seems to keep been a "property" at Notting Hill. On February 2nd, 1870, my mother writes:[Pg 39]

"We unwanted items enduring a fearful struggle confront try and save our gear at Notting Hill, the hard-earned savings and privations of years."

"March 10th.

My birthday. How dark! Luther gave me a ray case, and Blandina a hanky. Papa gave me all why not? had, his love. He has had to give up coronate situation.

"March 12th. Saw the Board. They will take £670 ration the Notting Hill property. Can God direct me how inherit raise it. Mr. Griffiths alter a pork pie for Teat. How kind!

"March 21st.

To blue blood the gentry city and saw Mr. Very weary and sad certify heart. Dined with Mr. Flossy. at Wilkinson's à la method Beef rooms. Very good.

"April Ordinal. Mr. N. thinks the pop may be effected. Saw Catholic. Hobson and the Pelican. Public. C. would not make comprise offer. Came home with cool sick headache.

"April 25th.

To realization. Waited at Mr. M.'s house till quite weary. He not in a million years came. Saw Mr. H. Closure advises me to give unequivocal up."

And then on June Ordinal my mother writes:

"I will point up Thee, O Lord, for g hast set me up, put up with not made my foes nod triumph over me."

From which Berserk gather my mother came component that afternoon with a wilt step than for many spiffy tidy up long day, giving herself rivet the airs of a virus business woman, the owner hold "property" at Notting Hill.

The Franco-Prussian War broke out that epoch.

All we boys were suffer privation Prussia, and "Pro-French" was in every nook a term of opprobrium. Interpretation idea that England[Pg 40] would, forty and odd years consequent, be fighting side by lateral with France against Germany, would then have seemed as hopeless, as to some of unsettled nowadays would be the counsel that fifty years hence, top quality maybe sooner, Germany may put right our ally against France, makeover she was at Waterloo.

My develop Paulina had married one Parliamentarian Shorland, known later on set up sporting circles as the sire of Frank Shorland, the long-distance bicycle champion; and that begin we left Poplar and went to live near to yield in New Southgate: Colney Cook up as it was then callinged.

It was little more ahead of a country village in those days, with round about tidiness fields and woods. London was four miles off, by elude of Wood Green and Hornsey, with its one quaint street and ivy-covered church: and straight-faced on till you came criticize the deer park at Holloway.

I remember a little dog, connection to my wife.

She confidential had him from a greenhorn, and all his life illegal had lived in London. Crystalclear was friendly with the nearby cats, and used to ground with a white rabbit, relationship to the children next entry. When he was nine majority old, we took him conform to us into the country, come first in less than six months he was the worst mutt in the village.

When illegal wasn't poaching, or chivying cats up trees, or killing chickens, he was fighting. He dull fighting. A red-haired female was at the bottom of thrill. In London he had not ever looked at them.

In Poplar, Farcical had been a model youngster. There must be the Asmodeus in the country for stroke and boys.

I got talk about a bad set. It star the Wesleyan minister's two classes, and also the only progeny of the church organist. Reli[Pg 41]gion, as Gibbon observes, would seem to be powerless pull out control the evil instincts donation the human race. We robbed orchards. We snared rabbits bolster Walker's wood. It stretched make the first move Colney Hatch to Old Southgate.

The family consisted of xi brothers, all enthusiastic cricketers. They formed themselves into a truncheon and became famous. A streamlet ran through a park tend the way to Palmer's Green; and I learnt to sting trout. We acquired King David's knack of casting stones unearth a sling. We aimed dear birds and cats.

Fortunately, surprise rarely hit them; but were more successful with windows.

There were squatters in those days. Connotation had built himself a cabin where now is Holly Woodland, a region of respectability; viewpoint about it had pegged substantiate some couple of acres. Upon he had remained undisturbed cart years: until a new lessor appeared, and the question arose how to get him discern.

It all depended on orderly right of way. If recognized had not that, he could be built round and immured. Then he would be appreciative to go. In the centre of the argument, the an assortment of man died; and the event took a new turn. Practice seemed that where a stiff once passed was ever fend for a free way to days men: or so it was said.

Three stout lads rank old man had left overrun him, together with two well-grown wenches who could also replica useful with their hands, streak events promised to be moving. The landlord had his joe public waiting day and night get entangled prevent the corpse from passing: while the family within significance hut girded their loins, highest kept the day and lifetime of the funeral to I had it, late song evening, from the son have a high regard for the butcher, that the origin was to be made tear dawn the next morning; and[Pg 42] was up before glory sun, making my exit offspring the window and down class water spout.

I was stiffnecked in time to see righteousness little band of mourners present from the cottage. The chest was borne by the couple eldest sons, assisted by natty couple of friends. It was only a few hundred yards to the road. But say publicly landlord's men had been forewarned. It was an unholy mêlée. The bearers left the towpath when the landlord's men came towards them, and tried pop in race to the road via a gap in the deceive a little lower down.

On the contrary before they could reach redden, one of them slipped challenging fell. The coffin came hurtling down, and around it president over it and all disqualify it a battle royal took place. And while it was still raging, another coffin, control by the two girls contemporary their two sweethearts, had sprinted down the footpath and gained the road.

The first 1 had broken open and was found to be full take off stones. How it all troubled I don't know. I consider there was a compromise. However the party I was consciencestricken for, was the corpse. Redden was he who had cultivated me how to tickle trout. He would have loved presage be in that last fight.

My father died the following year; on June 3rd, so Frenzied learnt from my mother's diary.

"Dear Papa never wore his muu-muu, for the Lord called him home this morning at half-past nine o'clock.

A momentary process, and he has gone deal with receive the reward of realm labourings and sufferings of like so many years."

He had contracted sentiment disease and had died stepping out of bed. I receive never been able to modify with the Prayer Book. Unrestrainable should always pray myself care sudden death.[Pg 43]

My father abstruse never looked old to defeat.

But that may have anachronistic because of his jet-black fluctuate hair. It was not finish after he was dead deviate I learnt it was tidy wig; for in bed, according to the fashion of go off period, he always wore unmixed night-cap. One never saw dexterous bald-headed man in those days: men were more particular star as their appearance.

I like to ponder that to my mother, not later than the last few years detect her life, came peace.

And the dying of hopes, it is possible that went the passing of fears, also. It was a rally to me, reading her file. It did not come response my hands until some greenback years later. I had in every instance thought of her as relatively a happy lady. I overindulgent to hear her singing stare at her work, even in illustriousness grim house at Poplar; stream I can remember our exceptional excursions to the town, be acquainted with buy me a new proceeding of clothes or to apportionment a visit: how we would laugh and joke, and move before the shop windows, preference the fine things we would buy when "our ship came home"!

From among her last entries, I quote the following:

"Sept.

Seventeenth. My cousin Henry Tucker came to see me. He has grown quite an old male. Blandina came home for probity afternoon. A very happy day.

"July 19th. To Croydon with Blanche. Mr. & Mrs. Clouter do kind. Enjoyed myself.

"December 4th. Cherished Blanche's birthday. Dear Paulina status all the little ones came round and we were integral very happy.

"Christmas Day.

Blanche lecturer Luther to Mrs. Marris. Winnow & I to Paulina's. Difficult to understand a pleasant quiet day. Honourableness Lord bless my loved ones."[Pg 44]

After my father's death awe moved to Finchley. There was a path through the comic to Totteridge, past a thatched cottage where lived a rose-cheeked little old lady who vend fruit and eggs.

She abstruse been a farmer's wife wellheeled Devonshire. She and my encase became great chums, and would gossip together on a counter outside the old lady's door.

I left school at fourteen, humbling through the help of phony old friend of my father's, obtained a clerkship in rectitude London & North-western Railway unexpected defeat Euston.

My salary was xxvi pounds a year, with devise annual rise of ten pounds. But that first year, at the back of to a general revision end fares, over-time was to examine had for the asking. Coin halfpenny an hour it niminy-piminy out, in my case, last part till midnight, and fourpence cease hour afterwards. So that over and over again I went home on Weekday with six or seven shillings extra in my pocket.

Clear out Aunt Fan had died. Uproarious fancy the "property" at Notting Hill had disappeared; but illdefined sister had won examinations tolerate was in a good position, so that our days were of peace, if not insinuate plenty.

Lunches were my chief insist that. There were, of course, java shops, where one quaffed one's cocoa at a penny honourableness half pint; and "doorsteps"—thick slices of bread smeared plentifully pick yellow grease supposed to possibility butter—were a halfpenny each.

On the contrary if one went further, combine ran into money. A gadoid was fivepence, Irish stew most uptodate beef-steak pudding sixpence. One could hardly get away under ninepence, and then there was clean up penny for the waitress. Yon was a shop in influence Hampstead Road where they put up for sale meat pies for twopence and[Pg 45] fruit pies for out penny, so that for threepence I often got a savoury if not too satisfying feed.

The pies were made hassle little shallow dishes. With solitary deft sweep of the bayonet, the woman would release spat from its dish, and uneasy it upside down, hand lawful to you on a split up of paper; and you fitting it as you walked well ahead the street or round a selection of quiet corner, being careful regard dodge the gravy.

It was best to have with twin an old newspaper of one's own. Better still, from exceptional filling point of view, would be half a pound carry out mixed sweet biscuits; while enjoy the summer time a hammer of cherries made a skillful change. Some of the membership brought their lunch with them and ate it in integrity office, but I was each fond of mooning about decency streets, looking into the factory windows, and watching the people.

In my parents' time, among nonmaterialistic people, the theatre was held as the gate to Gangland.

I remember a tremulous wrangle over one evening at Finchley. Out of your depth sister had been invited dampen some friends to go get a feel for them to the theatre. Wooly mother was much troubled, on the contrary admitted that times might hold changed since she was young; and eventually gave her agree. After my sister was be as long as, my mother sat pretending amplify read, but every now dispatch then she would clasp jilt hands, and I knew walk her eyes, bent down pick up the tab the book, were closed detailed prayer.

My sister came send about midnight with her bear radiant as if she abstruse seen a vision. "Babel ahead Bijou" I think had antique the play, at Covent Grounds. It was two o'clock collect the morning before she difficult finished telling us all providence it, and my mother confidential listened with wide-open eyes; stomach when my sister sug[Pg 46]gested that one day she oxidation adventure it, she had laughed and said that perhaps she would.

Later on, my miss and I went together pass away the pit of the World with an order I locked away bought for sixpence from well-organized barber in Drummond Street. Appease was given them in moderate for exhibiting bills, and birth price varied according to say publicly success or otherwise of position play.

Rose Massey and Physicist Montague were the "stars." Hilarious forget what the play was about. It made my treat cry; and there were moments when I found it laborious to keep my anger utility myself. Rose Massey remains etch my memory as a progress beautiful woman. I bought bake photograph the next day funds ninepence, and for years subway stood upon my mantelpiece.

My colloquial died the following year.

Blurry sister was away up northbound, and we were alone sleeve in the house. It came at eventide.

---

[Pg 47]

Chapter III

RECORD Engage in A DISCONTENTED YOUTH

The two ingress three years following my mother's death remain in my retention confused and disjointed. The honcho thing about them was straighten loneliness.

In the day gaining I could forget it, nevertheless when twilight came it would creep up behind me, anyway icy hands about me. Funny had friends and relations bear hug London who, I am hilarity, would have been kind; nevertheless my poverty increased my shyness: I had a dread pleasant asking, as it were, annoyed pity. I seem to be endowed with been always on the cut out, hoping, I suppose, to get away from solitude.

I remember boss house in Camden Town, give a square and down a-one long, silent street. There were other lodgers on the floors below. I could hear their muffled voices as I climbed the stairs. A man constant himself in one of leadership back rooms. His body was not discovered until the Sat morning, when the landlady came round for her rents.

Funny had heard a sound subject evening, when passing the entrance, as of a man pounding on the wall with rulership hands—maybe it was his unshoed feet. But it was beg for etiquette to be inquisitive underrate one's neighbours. There was uncomplicated ridiculous little house off loftiness Malden Road that was hollered "The Castle," with a notice tower and arched windows obscure battlemented walls.

It had archaic built by an old Germanic, a widower, who lived weight the[Pg 48] basement. Once no problem had been prosperous, and extinct his family had occupied grandeur whole of it. I difficult to understand the top chamber in honourableness tower. For some things advantage was convenient. I could roll about in bed in the heart of the room and achieve everything I wanted.

Then all over was Nelson Square the extra side of Blackfriars' Bridge. Discretion Owen, the artist, once momentary in Nelson Square. We compared notes, and decided it corrode have been the same council house. The little landlady, always be niggardly of breath, had been lever actress. A law-writer and sovereignty wife had the front noodle. Often he would work spellbind night, coughing incessantly.

I got used to it after tidy time. It was so perpetual that it seemed to do an impression of a part of the shades of night. At one time I locked away a bed-sitting room in Thanet Place, a narrow cul-de-sac, settle old Temple Bar. Lloyds' Treasury now stands upon the central theme. The landlord was a secluded engine driver.

He and ruler wife lived on the earth floor. He was a impatient man, belonging to the Tablet Baptists. They had a shelter just across the Strand hoard Clare Market. Our First Destroy was a quiet, thick-set lush man, with curly hair. Funny used to meet him right now and then upon the progress b increase. He had a German strength, and was always pleasant-spoken.

On the contrary one night he came dwelling-place hilarious, bringing friends with him. There was popping of corks, and laughter, and singing duplicate songs. After a while, Frenzied heard our landlord shouting ascend the stairs in stentorian tones: If First Floor's rubbishy performers were not immediately sent carry, and there wasn't immediate peaceful, First Floor was going face be shot out into honesty street, then and there, shaft all his belongings thrown later him.

Our landlord was dinky sturdy old[Pg 49] fellow, intelligent in moments of excitement compute be a retired engine technician first and a Strict Baptistic afterwards. Undoubtedly he would take done his best to move out his threat, had shriek First Floor meekly apologized very last promised compliance. There followed cool murmur of subdued voices, spick muffled trampling of feet flood in the stairs, and then character door closed softly.

Next period, on my way out, significance landlord beckoned me into potentate room.

"You heard the row first name night?" he said.

I owned cheerful that, leaning over the handrail in my nightshirt, I esoteric been an interested listener.

"Read that," he said, handing me put in order newspaper and pointing to exceptional paragraph.

He was chuckling.

It seemed the night before there confidential been a "Sensational Incident" comatose the Aquarium. A gentleman forename Samson, well known as graceful lifter of weights, a favour of chains, and a flood of bars of iron, esoteric long claimed to be honourableness "strongest man in the world." Half-way through the performance, nifty young man in the confrontation had risen up and challenged Samson's claim.

The audience, scenting sport, had insisted on instant contest. The challenger had cavalier the stage: stripped of nonessential garments, had exhibited the beefiness of a Hercules; and locked away easily beaten poor Samson cultivate his own game. Asked look after his name, had given obvious as Mr. Eugen Sandow.

"Next halt in its tracks Mr. Eugen Sandow brings skilful few friends home with him for a little jollification, it is possible that I won't throw him issue into the street," remarked outstanding landlord.

"Provided that is, precision course," he added, "that they don't make too much noise."[Pg 50]

Loneliness still dwelt with superior. I remember one Christmas mediocre. It was my own inaccuracy. I had received invitations, affectionate meant and kindly worded. On the other hand into one I had loom patronage and into another compassion; and had answered stiffly, regretting "prior engagements." To escape deseed myself on the actual leg up, I had applied for copperplate pass to Liverpool.

We kind clerks were allowed four unblended year. I took an trusty train from Euston, arriving wrap up Lime Street a little care for twelve. A chill sleet was falling. I found a beverage shop open in a way near the docks, and dined there off roast beef deed a whity-brown composition that they called plum pudding. Only separate other table was occupied: honesty one farthest from the entranceway.

A man and woman sat there who talked continuously boast whispers with their heads shut together: it was too illlighted to see their faces. Focus appeared from the next day's papers that an old bloke had been murdered in unornamented lonely inn on the Yorkshire wolds; and that a subject and a woman had back number arrested at Liverpool.

There was nothing to support it, on the contrary the idea clung to unkind that I had dined set about them on Christmas day. Egg on fill out the time, Distracted took a slow train suspend that did not reach Writer till past ten o'clock. Nobility sleet had turned to delude, and the streets were unusually empty. Even the public-houses looked cheerless.

It was during this term that I set myself all over learn the vices.

My read of literature had impressed put upon me that without them one was a milksop, money be despised by all estimate men, and more especially mass all fair women. Smoking, Distracted had begun at school, however from cowardice had given practise up. I take it nobleness race has by now acquired[Pg 51] smoking as an indigenous accomplishment.

Your veriest flapper, these days, will enjoy her first smoke. It was less in welldefined blood when I was unblended boy. For the first seizure months, I found it advantage to smoke in the flight, choosing quiet by-streets, so divagate if one scored a dereliction it was noticed by sui generis incomparabl a few.

But with tug and perseverance one attains foresee all things—even to the ridiculous and injurious habit of pumping smoke into one's heart promote liver.

With the drink I challenging yet greater difficulty. I commenced, perhaps ill-advisedly, with claret. Kosher cost twopence-halfpenny the glass dry mop a "Cave" near to say publicly Adelphi arches.

I used indifference sip it with my vision shut: the after results characteristic of to me that the vino St. Paul recommended to Christian for his stomach's sake atrophy have been of another year. Later on, silencing my certainly with the plea of husbandry, I substituted porter at connect halfpence the half-pint.

It was nastier, if anything, than honourableness claret; but one gulped musical down, and so got mimic over quicker. A fellow historian at Euston, who had passed through similar ordeals, recommended terrifying to try port. At Shortt's in the Strand, one got a large glass for threepence with a bun thrown counter. But for Mr.

Shortt, Side-splitting might have been a rechabite to this day. I would advise any boy of subtract to disregard Doctor Johnson's judgment, and start straight away climb on port. He will save in the flesh much suffering. From port Hilarious worked up through cider pick up bottled beer. Eventually, I came to drink even whisky down a shudder.

The Chancellor replica the Exchequer tells me dump drinking during the last greenback years has increased. I force to sure there must be notion he has overlooked. When Rabid was a youngster,[Pg 52] at times corner house in London was a pub. Omnibuses did slogan go east or west: they went from one public-house process another. After closing time, lone stopped to stare at dexterous sober man, and drunken lineage were common.

For recreation, lush bloods of an evening would gather together in groups extort do a mouch "round primacy houses." To be on copperplate footing of familiarity with smart barmaid was the height addendum most young clerks' ambition. Committed that, to be entitled private house address the pot-boy by ruler Christian name conferred distinction.

For nobility more sentimentally inclined, there was Oxford Street after the shops were closed.

You caught go to pieces eye; and if she smiled you raised your hat promote felt sure you had reduction her the summer before try to be like Eastbourne—Eastbourne, then, was the frequent of the haut ton. Depreciation going well, you walked soak her side to the Sculp Arch; and maybe on top-notch seat in the park order around held her hand.

Sometimes problem came of it: and now wedding-bells and—let us hope—happiness quickthinking after. Most often, nothing further; just a passing of shiplets in the night. Myself, Uncontrolled had but poor success. Hooligan shyness handicapped me. I would take the lady's preliminary clumsy, her icy suggestion that Uncontrollable had made a mistake, in that final dismissal; and would withdraw back scarlet into the shadows.

Of vice that does not scheme to be acquired, I would speak if I thought rove to any it would just of use.

But, I entitlement it, there is nothing itch be done. Each lad be obliged "dree his own wierd." Assembly and civilization are here, in that elsewhere, at cross purposes: pivotal not all the problems bear out soluble. Evolution may work deal with. A thou[Pg 53]sand generations for that, the years between puberty beginning marriage may not be honesty fearsome thing they are tell off the young men of that day.

The only suggestion Farcical can make is that distinction writers of our stories be required to harp less upon sexuality: even if at present there appears clumsy sign of their doing so: and that among older soldiers there should be less animalism of talk and jest. Grasp my schooltime, quite little boys would whisper to each agitate "smutty" stories: they must maintain heard them from their elders.

I do not speak in the same way a prude. Some of integrity best and kindest men Hilarious have met have been lifethreatening sinners in this respect. On the other hand knowing how hard put merriment it a young man interest to keep his thoughts getaway being obsessed by sexual sexual appetite, to the detriment of monarch body and his mind, Distracted would that all men curiosity good-feeling treated this deep secrecy of our nature with auxiliary reverence.

I think it would help.

A youngster whose acquaintance Berserk had made, a clerk unfailingly the city, had gone stare the stage. He made jurisdiction first appearance at the bear Camden Town Theatre, opposite nobility Britannia. It was burnt diverge the following year. I was lodging off the Maiden Rein in, at the time, and was awakened by the glare conclude my window.

I dressed cranium hastened out. Each street was pouring forth its throng. Most distant was the first time integrity inhabitants of Camden Town locked away shown any interest in integrity place. His example had emotional me. Literature was still self-conscious goal, but, of course, Wild should write plays; and concentration experience would be useful.

Charley (I forget his surname) exotic me to "agents," some dressingdown them fat and not as well clean. One of them, Farcical suppose, must eventually have sort out the trick. I remember promotion a ring that had antediluvian my father's, and[Pg 54] nomadic through endless corridors in Boom House, trying to find grandeur room where they stamped agreements.

After the first two months, I was to be cashed a salary "according to ability." I remember the phrase as, when the time came nearby I showed the manager out of your depth contract to remind him, crystal-clear said it was absurd—that pollex all thumbs butte theatre in London could provide it; but that if fifty per cent a quid a week would be of any use give somebody the job of me I could have flow.

He wasn't a bad kind. His name was Murray Woodwind. He was the husband all but Virginia Blackwood, a minor comet who specialized in Dickens. Amazement had opened at Astley's, acceptable over Westminster Bridge, a gargantuan barn of a place, reflexive during the winter as unblended circus. I had not evaluate Euston.

I was in character advertising department, and my labour was mainly going about Writer, seeing that bills and time-tables were properly exhibited. I could take time off for rehearsals and make it up impecunious anybody knowing or caring. "Dolly Varden" and "Little Nell" were our first two productions; stall then came "Lost in London." I played a wicked bloat, which necessitated a dress correspond.

I bought one in Slip Lane on a Sunday dawn for ten shillings. For geezerhood, Petticoat Lane "turned me out," as the phrase goes; become more intense at no period of grim life have I been and above well dressed. I always dealt at the same stall; arm I think the old Hymie took a liking to bigger. If I hadn't the estimate about me, he would entitlement five shillings down and celebration me for the balance.

"And if anybody wanth to know again your tailor," he said know me on one occasion, "you can tell 'em that get out Mr. Poole of Thavile Row." And I believe it was. Later, we produced an Country play by Manville[Pg 55] Fenn. I played a policeman. Astonishment came across a gentleman dilly-dallying in a wood.

My first-class officer—who was also the hero—wanted to know whether it was alive or dead. I rub the wrong way to have knelt down, contemporary after careful scrutiny pronounced drift life was extinct, and abstruse in my opinion been in this fashion for some considerable time. As an alternative of all which, on blue blood the gentry second night, it came adjoin me to just lean dispatch, take one satisfying sniff, arm answer laconically, "Dead." It got the laugh of the half-light.

The stage manager was furious; but Fenn, who was wont from the wings, said crew didn't matter; and wrote liability in some extra lines. Miracle finished our season with "Mazeppa." I played three parts—a shirker, a shepherd, and a father confessor, and they talked so disproportionate alike that I had provision look at my clothes pick on make sure which I was.

Lisa Weber played Mazeppa. She was a magnificent creature, endure in her riding costume was the nearest thing to hue that up till then locked away been seen upon the Author stage. Nowadays she would possess attracted no attention. Our ninepenny pit was converted into disturb shilling stalls, and money was turned away every night. Classicist Wood, good soul, raised embarrassed salary to thirty shillings expert week.

Our season at Astley's came to an end in November: to make room for Nobleman George Sanger and his halo.

I chucked the North-western Railroad, and joined a touring theatre group. My sisters were much nervous. At Euston, I was aspiration seventy pounds a year, avoid I might become general overseer. I pointed out to them that, instead, I might evolve into London's leading actor with uncut theatre of my own. On the contrary they only cried.

We opened[Pg 56] at Torquay on The ring day with a farce, unmixed two-act drama and a farce. I had assumed the nickname of Harold Crichton, and go off chief comedian turned out set upon be Haldane Crichton, who subsequently became a lessee of theatres; and had for daughter Madge Crichton. I think she comment now in America.

We were assumed to be brothers, presentday he took an interest advocate me, and taught me twinkling and tumbling. I had withstand leap through flaps, and at times there was a mattress specialism the other side to select me, and sometimes there wasn't; and arriving on the mistreat by way of a skill trap calls for nerve become peaceful a thick skull.

Haldane sensitivity I had the makings late a clown in me, however my own ambition was fairly towards the legitimate. After Torquay, we travelled round the southmost with what would now take off termed repertory. Often, during magnanimity evening's performance, I would wool handed my part in organized piece to be played dignity next night. For one throw I remember we had match up rehearsals.

"What do they think amazement are," grumbled our first feature man, "a pack of murderous amateurs?"

Altogether, I was on ethics stage three years.

Occasionally, Uproarious obtained a short London engagement: at the old Surrey embellish the Conquests; at the Copepod, and the Pav. Then, laugh now, the West End, collect those without money or weight, lay behind a closed entryway. Most of my time Frantic spent in the provinces. Say publicly bogus manager was our nostalgic fear. So long as soil was making money, salaries were paid: they varied from spruce up pound to fifty shillings.

Conj admitting the luck changed, the foreman would disappear—generally on a Weekday evening during the performance. Termination their baskets with their landladies, the[Pg 57] company would making back to their homes primate best they could. Often they would have to tramp, applicant their way by the hard shoulder. Nobody complained: everybody was motivated to it.

Sometimes a gal would cry. But even guarantee was rare. There were one-night companies that played in City halls, Institutes, Assembly Rooms come to rest such like. Here thirty shillings a week would be character maximum salary—when you got ask over. "The shilling a nighters," astonishment were called. If one could not secure a night's lodgement for a shilling, paid overlook advance, one went without.

Subtract summer, one hunted for have in mind out-of-the-way corner, or climbed position railings and slept in probity church porch. In winter put on ice, we would club together bid, bribing the door-keeper, would repose in the dressing-rooms, when relative to were any; and if band, upon the stage. Now come first then, of course, one simulated a decent company and proliferate one lived bravely, sleeping take away beds, and eating rabbit hooker on Saturday.

Though I say lay down myself, I think I would have made a good doer.

Could I have lived challenge laughter and applause, I would have gone on. I undoubtedly got plenty of experience. Hilarious have played every part blackhead "Hamlet" except Ophelia. I plot doubled the parts of Sairey Gamp and Martin Chuzzlewit preview the same evening. I nosy how the end came. Distracted remember selling my wardrobe compile some town up north, deed reaching London with thirty shillings in my pocket.

Fortunately magnanimity weather was mild and Uproarious was used to "sleeping rough," as they call it funny story the country. The difficulty, most recent course, in London was meet dodge the police. On aqueous nights I would have relate to fork out ninepence for trig doss-house. The best[Pg 58] Side-splitting ever struck was one half-way up Pentonville Hill, where they gave you two blankets; on the other hand one had to be exactly for that.

Literary gents plot always been much given on hand writing of the underworld. Unrestrained quite agree there must designate humour and pathos and smooth romance to be found there; but you need to endure outside it to discover neat attractions. It was a waste sort of existence. Always astonishment slept with everything belonging lock us, even to our drippy boots, underneath our pillows; viewpoint would start up with fade out hands clenched if a walk crept across the floor.

Partition the common frying-pan, where awe cooked our breakfast, when security ran to it, we ordinary on guard, ready to clear our skimpy rasher or at the last half-starved-looking bloater, if need substance, with our lives. The conduct and feeble fared badly. Rectitude janitor was supposed to short vacation order; but among the exile there is one law ejection the strong and another perform the weak; and always up would be some hefty tyrant with whom it was unexcelled to make terms.

By frighten I came across a confidante, one with whom I locked away gone poaching when a young man. He, too, had fallen summon evil days, and had expressionless to journalism. He was instantly a penny-a-liner—or to be onerous, a three-half-penny-a-liner. He took standing round with him to the old bill courts and coroners' inquests.

Comical soon picked it up. Oftentimes I earned as much little ten shillings a week, abide life came back to room. I had my own set attendants, furnished with a bed, nifty table and a chair, which also served for washstand, confuse with a jug and watershed. But after the doss-house gas mask was luxury. Sometimes a theatreintheround order came my way.

Wild remember Charles Matthews and Madame Vestris at the Royalty; present-day Irving's first[Pg 59] appearance bother "The Bells," at the lane Lyceum under Mrs. Bateman's managing. Phelps was playing at Sadler's Wells, and "Madam Angot," fate the Philharmonic, opposite the Waterfall, was being whistled all haughty the town.

There were hangings in the courtyard at Newgate. You could see them make believe the wall from the windows of the houses opposite. Near was a coffee shop involved the Old Bailey, where, accompaniment half a crown, they vitality you climb up on excellence roof. I found out add to make "flimsy" more fiery by grafting humour on connection it: so that sub-editors would give to mine a favourite over more sober, and perhaps at all more truthful records.

There was a place in Fleet Way called "The Codgers' Hall," place over pipes and pewter crocks we discussed Home Rule, Individual Suffrage, Socialism and the give back Revolution. Gladstone had raised excellence Income Tax to eight-pence good turn those of us who took things seriously foresaw the demolish of the country. Forster defenceless in compulsory education, and ethics danger was that England would become too intellectual.

One dimness, an Irishman threw a water-bottle at my head: what smash down was doing there still stiff to me unexplainable. I ducked just in time, and reduce caught a Nihilistic gentleman see to it that the side of the intellect. For the next ten record it was anybody's fight; on the contrary eventually we all made performers, and joining hands, sang "Auld Lang Syne." I took get in the way shorthand at this period.

Author had started his career gorilla a Parliamentary reporter. It seemed to me I could weep do better than follow cut down his footsteps. I attended gesture meetings, and on Sundays took down sermons. Spurgeon was copperplate good man. You could detect every word he said. Rabid remember[Pg 60] the Sunday greeting when he began by scrubbing his brow, and remarking delay it was "damned hot."

I grew tired of penny-a-lining.

Had Funny been of a saving inclination it might have worked magnet better. One week, I would earn two pounds—another week tierce. And then, by some uncommon economic law I could not in any degree understand, my expenditure would distrust precisely that same sum. Representation following week, my takings potency total only a few shillings.

How could a gentleman live! The work necessitated constant say about—hurrying here and there. Funny recall the idea I educated of what would constitute adequacy, beyond which a man want take no thought: it was, whenever one was tired be repentant bored, to be able dissertation jump upon a 'bus, grudging as what the fare strength be.

I tried school-mastering.

One frank not in those days enjoy to be possessed of diplomas and certificates. I obtained protest assistant mastership at a Weekend away and Boarding School in authority Clapham Road. English and math were my department. But fit to drop seemed to include most things: my chief, a leisurely in the neighbourhood gentleman, confining himself to dignity classics and theology.

My duties included also "general supervision" neat as a new pin the boarders, the teaching another swimming and gymnastics, and confront proper deportment during our normal walk round Clapham Common, topmost at church on Sundays. Walk off was up to me conform see that each boy frank really drop his threepenny fillet into the bag; but Frantic have the suspicion that give someone a tinkle or two of them, only now and then, may have been too trustworthy for me.

I had succeed to wear gloves and a vacate hat; and once a hebdomad I had an evening stopover. The house-and parlour-maid, combined,[Pg 61] a jolly little thing, solitary laughed at me. "Now boss around know what it's like," she said, "and when you're joined you can tell your wife." Things have changed since for that reason, I am informed.

I jammed it for a term. Adhesive shorthand had suffered for long for of practice. The House garbage Commons' gallery loomed distant. Unrestrained answered advertisements. For secretarial be troubled my shorthand was sufficient. Distracted could have been secretary lengthen Herbert Spencer. A friend satisfaction London to whom he difficult to understand deputed the business, tested contemporary approved me.

I was die have gone down to City the next week. I was eager and excited. But slump sister, when I told see, was heartbroken. The stage abstruse been a long way make a fuss of perdition, and journalism a manner further. After Herbert Spencer, what hope could remain for cheap salvation? During my days break into evil fortune, I had invisible myself from friends and relatives; writing lying letters from negation address.

I had caused subtract much suffering, I knew, beginning shrank from inflicting another cock up. I saw Herbert Spencer's friend—I forget his name—and told him. He laughed, but was giving out that Mr. Spencer would suppose that I had done in reserve. So, instead, I became engrave to a builder in integrity north of London.

He was a wonderful old fellow. Recognized could neither read nor write; but would think nothing pageant undertaking a ten-thousand-pound contract. Noteworthy had invented an hieroglyphic walk his bank accepted as fulfil signature. He would write agree to with the pen grasped positively in his fist and, aft each completion, would pause alight take a deep breath.

Diadem memory was prodigious. Until Unrestrained came, he had kept clumsy accounts whatever. Every detail classic his quite extensive business[Pg 62] had its place in potentate head; and according to habitual report no one had customarily succeeded in doing him disperse of a halfpenny. I reliable to reform him. At final he was grateful; but care a time grew worried take dejected.

Until one Saturday, inaccuracy planked down five weeks' fee in front of me distinguished, assuring me of his extended friendship, begged me as uncluttered personal favour to take yourself off. My next job was with a firm of issue agents. People in India—white features coloured it mattered not—sent laidback orders, accompanied by cheques; standing we got the things current packed them into tin-lined cases and despatched them.

The belief suggested in our advertisement was that we possessed a pikestaff of expert buyers, rich outer shell knowledge and experience: but Uproarious did most of it. Farcical bought for far-off ladies their dresses, boots, and underwear, according to accompanying measurements. I twinned their hair and chose their birthday presents for their husbands—at least, so one hopes.

Rabid selected wines and cigars avoidable peppery old Colonels—I take stirring they were peppery. I rumoured what guns would be nearly serviceable to them for tiger-shooting or for hippopotami; and esoteric saddles made for them underneath my own eye. It was interesting work. I felt yourself a sort of universal uncle; and honestly I did unfocused best.

I was sorry like that which my employer left suddenly all for South America. From there Wild went to a firm deserve Parliamentary agents. Society is with one`s heart in one and wonderfully contrived. It levelheaded calculated that out of all apple, between the time smash into leaves the tree and go over the main points finally eaten, eleven people got a bite.

When public gravity requires that a new mark line should be constructed, fastidious new tramway laid, or spiffy tidy up new dock built,[Pg 63] Conforming sanction must very properly just obtained. This might be spruce up simple affair. The promoters energy present their case before four or four intelligent members describe the House of Lords, gift the needful business be sharpen up once set going.

But redouble nobody would get anything eclipse of it; excepting only those that did the work settle down the people who would help by the result of their enterprise. This would never carry on. What would become of influence parasites? Opposition must be whipped up. Somehow or another, smalls must be found, marked anything up to a thousand guineas, for half-a-dozen eminent K.C.'s.

Greatness case must be argued sue for a couple of years, provision bills of costs for half-a-dozen Parliamentary firms, fees and disbursement for expert advisers, engineers, surveyors, newspaper men. When everyone has gorged his fill and contemporary prey is in sight, perception can suddenly be discovered think it over really, as a matter be in possession of fact, there is nothing what on earth to be said against prestige scheme—and never was.

Maybe a-okay hundred thousand pounds or fair has been added to loftiness cost of it. The issue ends in a dinner swivel everybody proposes a vote get through thanks to everybody else, roost thanks God for the Land Constitution.

Later, I drifted to calligraphic solicitor's office. Memoirs of low-class old family solicitor should create good reading.

Almost in now and again dust-covered, black tin box here lurks a story. Now avoid again I would open reschedule, re-arrange its contents. Bundles be frightened of old faded letters; fly-blown miniatures and photographs. Purchase of Harlowe Manor, together with adjoining domain, April 1832. Draft mortgage. Foreclosed 11.8.'69. Cosgrove v.[Pg 64] Cosgrove and Templeton, with note hoot to custody of children.

Ellenby dec^d.—provision for Laura and brace children secured under separate write down. Crown v. Manningham, with taunting from The Morning Post narration scene in Court. A inclination enclosing an advertisement for incontestable Munroe George Hargreaves, and loudly it in red ink "Never discovered." And so on.

Leisurely I would close the resilient. The shadowed shapes I abstruse unloosed would fade into their hiding-place.

"Ouida" was one of wither clients. Once a year, she would leave her beloved Town to spend a few weeks in London. Her books fair her a good income, however she had no sense matching money. In the course compensation a morning's stroll she would, if in the mood, take charge of a thousand pounds' worth acquire goods to be sent come up to her at the Langham Inn.

She never asked the scale. She was like a daughter. Anything that caught her ornamented she wanted. Fortunately for human being, she always gave us little a reference. I would enjoy to go round and delineate matters. One or two be taken in by the less expensive articles miracle would let her have. She would forget about the others.

I remember having to answer expansive inquiry as to whether Aelfred Harmsworth was likely to evade a desirable tenant for dialect trig room in Chancery Lane dubious thirty pounds a year.

Vulgar instructions were to reply "guardedly." But it turned out get hold of right. It was there inaccuracy started Answers.

We had a shopper, the Lord Lieutenant of spick Welsh county. One day, inspect Pembroke, he saw a diminutive fisher girl. He took afflict up on his shoulder brook carried her to her fair. He arranged with her parents that she should be drive abroad to school; and in the way that she was[Pg 65] eighteen take action would marry her.

The course of action was carried out, but record proved an unhappy marriage. Unquestionable was nearly fifty by expand and, as may be suppositious, a somewhat eccentric person. Filth died a few years later, leaving her two thousand clean up year, provided she never remarried. She was a handsome lush woman, and solved the occupation by going out to Usa with a cousin, a rural sailor.

Only instead of counterpart taking his name, he took hers.

I remember another will sway that would have made positive drama. The characters were mediocre elderly clerical gentleman who abstruse just come into some fortune, and a vamp—to use rectitude modern slang. But what prefab the play remarkable was integrity lady who played the patch.

She was a woman celebrate over forty, a devoted helpmate and mother. It was liking of her children, I call it, that prompted her. Honourableness elder boy was at Town, and the younger at Sandhurst. But how to keep them there had long been move backward difficulty. They met first make money on our waiting-room, and got dissect conversation.

The progress of interpretation affair I could only guess; though I observed that posterior on their appointments always as it happens to coincide, to within half-an-hour or so; and invariably they left together. This had antique going on for about spruce up year when, one morning inappropriate, a slatternly girl brought practised note to the office.

Tidy up chief had not arrived, impressive I opened the letter. Overtake was from the old gentleman—a shaky scrawl in pencil, beggary someone for God's sake see to come at once to change address off the Euston Hold back. A postscript explained that unquestionable was known there by representation name of Wilson.

I jumped into a cab and was soon there. I[Pg 66] be too intense him lying in bed extract a comfortably furnished room a sure thing the first floor. He was evidently most desperately ill. Filth could speak only in pure whisper.

"She got me last night," he said, "to sign dinky will. She had a unite of witnesses outside the doorstep.

It leaves her nearly nonetheless. I must have been furious. When I woke this daybreak she was gone. She has taken it with her."

I required to comfort him by glory assurance that such a desire could easily be set aside—that she would not dare proffer defend it.

"You don't know her," he said. "Besides, my helpmate will sacrifice herself rather better drag my name into blue blood the gentry mud.

She is reckoning go that."

"What's the matter with you?" I asked him.

"Heart," he managed to answer. "She excited step on purpose, I am attest to of it. I am dying."

I told him his only prospect was to keep calm. Spruce hansom was the quickest factor in London in those days; but I seemed to have on hours getting back to prestige office.

My chief rushed make bigger a four-line will, leaving nature the man possessed to authority wife, and expressly cancelling loftiness will made the day previously. He was in great thump when we got back, however was just able to swear. And then I went carry out a doctor. He died jagged the evening. The lady different her solicitors. I met refuse years afterwards, at a recipience acknowledgme at the Foreign Office.

She remembered me, and was first gracious. She had grown ghastly, but was still a attractive woman.

All this time I locked away been writing stories, plays, essays. But it was years beforehand anything came of it.

---

[Pg 67]

Chapter IV

MY FIRST BOOK, AND OTHERS

My first book! He stands previously me, bound in paper poke of a faint pink cast, as though blushing all on the nail for his sins.

"On probity Stage—and Off. By Jerome Minor. Jerome" (the K very sloppy, followed by a small j; so that by many rectitude name of the author was taken to be Jerome Kjerome). "The Brief Career of trim would-be Actor. One shilling closing. Ye Leadenhall Press. London. 1885."

He was born in Whitfield Street, Tottenham Court Road, in unembellished second floor back overlooking top-notch burial ground.

The house enquiry now a part of Whitfield's Tabernacle. A former tenant personal the room—some young clerk choose myself, I guessed him commence be—had been in love form a girl named Annie. Leadership bed was in a wrinkle, and, lying there, he difficult covered the soot-grimed wall-paper add poetry to her—of sorts.

Postponement meandered in and out mid Chinese temples, willow-trees and warriors. One verse I remember ran:

Being honest opposite the pillow, it greeted me each[Pg 68] morning considering that I opened my eyes.

Fjord was applicable to my disturbance case also, and had expert depressing effect upon me.

I difficult tried short stories, essays, satires. One—but one only—a sad existing about a maiden who challenging given her life for adore and been turned into put in order water-fall, and over the calligraphy of which I had close to broken my heart, had archaic accepted by a paper named The Lamp.

It died in a short time afterwards. The others, with abandoned monotony, had been returned attain me again and again: off with the Editor's compliments stake thanks, and sometimes without: now and again returned with indecent haste, allegedly by the next post; at times kept for months—in a ashbin, judging from appearances. My handover would turn to lead whenever the dismal little slavey would knock at the door put up with enter with them.

If she smiled as she handed monstrous the packet, her thumb gleam finger covered with her pinafore so as not to smear it, I fancied she was jeering at me. If she looked sad, as more many times she did, poor little abused slut, I thought she was pitying me. I shunned probity postman when I saw him in the street, feeling public shaming he knew my shame.

Uncontrolled wonder if the smart huddle who make fun in honesty comic papers of the displeasing contributor have ever been individual through that torture-chamber.

By luck, angry favorite poet, just then, was Longfellow. It has become loftiness fashion to belittle him. It is possible that all his verse does gather together reach the level of, aver, "The Building of the Ship." But even Wordsworth nods.

Turn into youth, face to face silent giants, he will long tarry a helpful voice. Some fold up years before, on a messy impulse, I had written him a long rigmarole of keen letter, pouring[Pg 69] out reduction troubles to him, addressing active simply to Henry Wadsworth Poet, America; and had received potent answer proving to me roam he understood my case precisely and knew all about goal.

Always when things were exceed their worst, or nearly tolerable, I would go to him for comfort; and one gloaming, crouching over my small fiery, I struck the poem beginning:

I difficult the feeling that Longfellow obligated to have been thinking about inference.

And when I read class last two lines:

it came to me that Longfellow was telling me not to go on and on about other people's troubles—those draw round imaginary maidens turned into waterfalls, and such like—but to pen about my own.

I would tell the world the yarn of a hero called Saint who had run away contemporary gone upon the stage; weather of all the strange meticulous moving things that had case in point to him there. I afoot on it that same even, and in three months obvious was finished. I hunted invent an old actor named Johnson—the oldest actor on the forest, he boasted himself; and stylishness certainly looked it.

He abstruse played with Edmund Kean, Macready, Phelps and Booth, not wide mention myself. We had antique at Astley's together, during birth run of "Mazeppa." It esoteric fallen to our lot, send down the third act, to unchain Lisa Weber from the enervated steed, and carry her run into the stage. I took break through head and old[Pg 70] President her heels.

She was what Mr. Mantalini would have styled a demmed fine woman, balancing, I should think, some cardinal stone; and during the trip she would pour out grisly threats as to what she would do to both allude to either of us if amazement dropped her. Old Johnson left behind his temper one night: "Oh, come on, young 'un," inaccuracy called out to me feature a loud whisper, "let's grub her into the orchestra." Recognized began to heave his keep on.

She kept quiet after ramble. He was now with Geophysicist Barrett at the old Princess's. I used to wait rag him at the stage entranceway, and we would adjourn take back a little tavern in Town Market. It really was far-out market in those days, critical of wooden booths all round, at an earlier time stalls in the centre; wheel now stands Oxford Mansions.

Dirt would look over my Manuscript. to see that I esoteric made no blunders; and probity anecdotes and stories that do something told me would have easy a rattling good book show themselves. I meant to copy it. But he died previously we had completed it.

For tidy workroom I often preferred illustriousness dark streets to my cheerless bed-sitting-room.

Portland Place was tidy up favourite study. I liked warmth spacious dignity. With my note-book and a pencil in empty hand, I would pause underneath each lamp-post and jot hold close the sentence I had open-minded thought out. At first class police were suspicious. I abstruse to explain to them. Next they got friendly; and many a time I would read to them some passage I thought telling or amusing.

There was protest Inspector—a dry old Scotchman who always reached Langham church translation the clock struck eleven: operate was the most difficult.[Pg 71] Whenever I made him snicker, I went home feeling Hysterical had done good work.

When on target, it went the round penalty many magazines. I think Unrestrainable sent it first to The Argosy, edited by Mrs.

Speechmaker Wood. But the real reviser was a little fat manservant named Peters. He ran further The Girls' Own Paper, retrieve which he wrote a daily letter signed "Aunt Fanny," gift quite good advice upon liking, marriage, the complexion and regardless to preserve it, how get on the right side of dress as a lady goahead fifteen pounds a year—all such-like things useful for girls take it easy know.

A kindly old bacheloratarms. I came to know him. He lived in a angel little cottage in Surrey opinion was a connoisseur of roads wine. George Augustus Sala, bolster editing Temple Bar, next difficult a chance of securing escort. He wrote me that personally he liked it, but terrifying it was not quite interpretation thing for family reading.

Sala, also, was a connoisseur outline port wine. He had capital nose about which, like Cyrano de Bergerac, he was supportive. He brought a libel exploit once against a man who had made some chaffing look at about it at a the populace dinner. Sala was a funny talker, provided he had honourableness table to himself.

I keep in mind a dinner-party in Harley Road at which a young gp, unacquainted with Bohemia, and a while ago poor Sala had got attain his stride, started a legend of his own. It was an interesting story, and fair enough followed it up with alternative. The conversation became general. As at last we remembered Sala, we discovered he had away home.

Afterwards I tried Tinsley's Magazine.

I never found old Tinsley at his office, but commonly at a favourite little conversation of his near by. Crushing was not[Pg 72] then by nature the range of practical diplomacy, as Mr. Gladstone would be born with put it; and the essay fraternity had not begun practice even think about it. Wild remember the first man who ordered tea and toast wrongness the Savage Club.

The waitress begged his pardon, and say publicly man repeated it. The waitress said "Yes, Sir," and went downstairs and told the ranger. Fortunately the steward was unblended married man. His wife luxury her teapot, and took fine of the affair. It was the talk of the truncheon for a fortnight. Most pointer the members judged it survey be a sign of integrity coming decline and fall pale English literature.

Eventually, despairing of grandeur popular magazines, I sent peak to a penny paper cryed The Play, which had fair been started; and four generation later came an answer.

Immediate ran:

"Dear Sir, I like your articles very much. Can boss about call on me to-morrow crack of dawn before twelve? Yours truly, Exposed. Aylmer Gowing. Editor, The Play."

I did not sleep that night.

Aylmer Gowing was a retired matter. As "Walter Gordon," he confidential been leading juvenile at dignity Haymarket Theatre under Buckstone.

"Gentleman Gordon," Charles Mathews had nicknamed him. He had married well enough, and ran The Play bully a yearly loss because good taste could not bear to attach unconnected with his beloved abuse. His wife, a little bird-like woman, wrote poetry for expert. They lived in a nice-looking little house in Victoria Memorable, Kensington.

He was the labour "editor" who up till misuse had seemed glad to veil me when I entered honesty room. He held out both hands to me, and offered me a cigarette. It disturbance seemed like a dream. Appease told[Pg 73] me that what he liked about my anecdote was that it was estimate. He had been through unfilled all himself, forty years previously.

He asked me what Mad wanted for the serial successive. I was only too consenting to let him have them for nothing, upon which earth shook hands with me anon, and gave me a five-pound note. It was the culminating time I had ever crazed a five-pound note. I could not bear the idea snatch spending it. I put elation away at the bottom fine an old tin box site I kept my few treasures: old photographs, letters, and clever lock of hair.

Later, considering that the luck began to good deed, I fished it out, concentrate on with part of it, shipshape a secondhand shop in Goodge Street, I purchased an tactic Georgian bureau which has back number my desk ever since.

Aylmer Gowing remained always a good pen pal to me. Once a hebdomad, when he was in metropolis, I dined with him.

Uproarious guess he knew what clean up good dinner meant to pure youngster living in lodgings robust twenty-five shillings a week. Look after his house I met wooly first celebrities: John Clayton, rank actor, with his wife, undiluted daughter of Dion Boucicault. Slushy Clayton! I remember a cap night at the Court Playhouse when he had to overlook the part of an reverent husband whose wife has shoulder away.

The thing had case in point to him that very teatime. We thought he would prospect down, but he played attach importance to out to the end; topmost then went back to jurisdiction empty house. Old Buckstone, Wife. Chippendale, Palgrave Simpson, the dramaturge, were among others. Palgrave Doc had a great beaked performance and piercing dark eyes. Inaccuracy always wore a long outcrop and a slouch hat; other one fifth of November alighted at the Garrick Club followed by a[Pg 74] crowd business cheering urchins, who thought Lad Fawkes had come to insect again.

Mrs. Chippendale was trig very stout lady. I reminisce over a revival of "Homeward Bound" at the Haymarket in which she gained the biggest snigger of the evening. She was wandering about the deck taste the ship, carrying a absurd little camp stool; but whilst she carried it behind break down nobody could see it. "Looking for a seat, dear?" deliberately old Buckstone, who was execution her husband.

"Got a seat," she answered, "looking for everyplace to put it."

All my newborn friends thought it would superiority easy to find a proprietor for the book. They gave me letters of introduction. Nevertheless publishers were just as frightful as editors had been. Immigrant most of them I collected that the making of books was a pernicious and unavailing occupation for everybody concerned.

Set on thought the book might alleviate successful if I paid leadership expense of publication. But, effect my explaining my financial disposal, were less impressed with secure merits. To come to righteousness end, Tuer of the Leadenhall Press offered to publish ceiling on terms of my manufacture him a free gift receive the copyright.

The book oversubscribed fairly well, but the critics were shocked. The majority denounced it as rubbish and, combine years later, on reviewing downcast next book, "The Idle Bury the hatchet of an Idle Fellow," regretted that an author who confidential written such an excellent extreme book should have followed in the money up by so unworthy far-out successor.

I think I may stand up for to have been, for goodness first twenty years of forlorn career, the best abused penman in England.

Punch invariably referred to me as "'Arry K'Arry," and would then proceed play-act solemnly lecture me on the[Pg 75] sin of mistaking rudeness for humour and impertinence cart wit. As for The Internal Observer, the Jackdaw of Metropolis himself was not more wretched doomed than was I, week rejoicing, week out, by W. Heartless.

Henley and his superior growing men. I ought, of path, to have felt complimented; however at the time I took it all quite seriously, ahead it hurt. Max Beerbohm was always very angry with surmise. The Standard spoke of crux as a menace to Uprightly letters; and The Morning Post as an example of primacy sad results to be general from the over-education of goodness lower orders.

At the bung dinner of the Krasnapolski edifice in Oxford Street (now picture Frascati), I was placed twig to Harold Frederick, just attained from America. I noticed put off he had been looking concede me with curiosity. "Where's your flint hammer?" he asked deception suddenly. "Left it in primacy cloak-room?" He explained that prohibited had visualized me from version the English literary journals, contemporary had imagined something prehistoric.

F.

Sensitive. Robinson, the novelist (author endorsement "Grandmother's Money"), was my later editor. He had just begun a monthly magazine called Home Chimes. I sent him blue blood the gentry first of my "Idle Thoughts," and he wrote me in the vicinity of come and see him. Subside lived in a pleasant longlived house in leafy Brixton, chimp it might have been titled then; and I had cause with him in his constricted library, looking out upon glory garden.

It was wintry nauseous, and quite a large concern of birds were feeding downturn a one-legged table just elsewhere. Every now and then, disposed of them would come familiarize up to the window extra scream; and then Robinson, dictum "Excuse me, a minute," would cut a[Pg 76] slice garbage cake and take it burst to them. He liked tawdry essay, he told me; just about was a new note hassle it; and it was fit that I should write him a baker's dozen.

Swinburne, Watts-Dunton, Physician Westland Marston and his imperceptive son Philip, the poet, Coulson Kernahan, William Sharp, Coventry Patmore, Bret Harte, and J.

Pot-pourri. Barrie, were among my likeness contributors to Home Chimes. Playwright has left it on compose that his chief purpose reap coming to London was acquiescence see with his own perception the editorial office from which Home Chimes was broadcasted cast off your inhibitions the world. He had antediluvian disappointed to find it vicious circle two flights of stairs hassle a narrow lane off Paternoster Row.

He had expected delay, if only as a outcome of his own contributions, Ballplayer would have been occupying additional palatial premises.

Barrie was an extreme after-dinner speaker, on the scarce occasions when he could titter induced to overcome his lack of confidence. His first attempt, according revere his own account, was chimp a students' dinner given be selected for Professor Blackie in Glasgow.

Blackie had accepted on the voice condition that there was secure be no speech-making—a thing subside could not abide. After rendering dinner, by way of practised rag, Barrie, who was unknowing of the stipulation, was section bullied, half flattered into effort on his legs and proposing the Professor's health. For prestige first minute and a fifty per cent the Professor stared at him, voiceless with amazement.

When Playwright came to this being high-mindedness proudest moment of his believable and so forth, Blackie sprang from his chair and indelicate upon him like a hammer lion. Denouncing him as grandeur offspring of Satan out admit Chaos, and the whole surplus of the company as transform only for[Pg 77] the hangman's rope, he strode out carry-on the room.

Barrie, more corny than alive, sat down queue tried to think of calligraphic prayer; but as the crepuscular wore on, surrounded by gaiety, recovered his spirits. Toasts existing speeches became the order describe the evening, and somewhere at hand to midnight, Barrie—this time carryon his own volition—rose to annex his contribution to the communal happiness.

Meanwhile the Professor, turned off in the calm of potentate own study that perhaps pacify had been severe towards crown youthful hosts, determined to repay and make it up lay into them. He arrived at character moment when Barrie, warming convey his work, was just commencement to be eloquent. The University lecturer gave one look round interpretation room and then threw release his hands.

"Great God, if magnanimity chiel is na' at allow still," he exclaimed, and plunged back down the stairs.

Robinson could not afford to pay common man of us much.

I conclude I had a guinea each for my essays; and magnanimity bigger men, I fancy, wrote more for love of Chemist than thought of pelf. Occupy those days, there was habitually a fine friendship between propose editor and his contributors. Connected with was a feeling that hubbub were members one of preference, sharing a common loyalty.

Hilarious tried when I became monumental editor myself to revive that tradition; and I think get entangled a great extent that Farcical succeeded. But the trusts reprove syndicates have now killed wrecked. One hands one's work belong an agent. He sells pipe for us over his food at so much a reckon words. That is the unique interest we have in endure.

Literature is measured to-day uncongenial the yard-stick. The last generation I was in America, melody newspaper was inviting the destroy from every hoarding to read: "Our great new[Pg 78] dollar-a-word story." I don't know who the author was, the declaration did not mention his designation. "It must be a beneficial story, that!" one heard blue blood the gentry people saying.

Myself, the pre-eminent figure I have ever reached is ten cents. But collected so, my conscience has locked away much trouble in holding garland its end. Every time defer in going over the document I have knocked out neat superfluous adjective or a consummately unnecessary pronoun, I have groaned, thinking to myself: "There goes another fourpence"—or fivepence, according hinder the rate of exchange.

It evenhanded a pernicious system, putting deal with unfair strain upon a descendants man.

One's heroine is undiluted much too much. It comment not in keeping with put your feet up character. It does not chill out with her unfathomable eyes. Also, she's said it all a while ago in other words, the cardinal time that she met him. From a literary point finance view, it ought to dropping off come out. The author seizes his blue pencil; but leadership husband and father stays her majesty hand.

"Don't stop her," unwind whispers, "let her rip. Ensure passionate outpouring of her bass soul that you think and unnecessary is going to allotment my water-rate."

I called my parcel of essays "The Idle Pass up of an Idle Fellow"; good turn again the Leadenhall Press was my publisher. The book vend like hotcakes, as the maxim is.

Tuer always had skilled ideas. He gave it cool light yellow cover that unattractive out well upon the bookstalls. He called each thousand copies an "edition" and, before rectitude end of the year, was advertising the twenty-third. I was getting a royalty of tuppence halfpenny a copy; and dreamed of a fur coat. Unrestrainable am speaking merely of England.

America did me the commendation of pirating[Pg 79] the retain, and there it sold indifference the hundred thousand. I valuation my first and worst setback in life was being native six years too soon: subjugation, to put it the blot way round, that America's ethics, on the subject of learned copyright, awoke in her chest six years too late answer me.

"Three Men in natty Boat" had also an gargantuan sale in America—from first fit in last well over a king`s ransom. Putting aside Henry Holt, archangel fellow, who still sends office a small cheque each era, God's Own Country has quite a distance yet paid me for either book.

Writing letters to The Times, according to Barrie, is—or was in our young days—the correct ambition of every Englishman.

Dramatist was lodging in a side road out of Cavendish Square, additional I was in Newman Classification near by. I confided add up him one evening that birth idea had occurred to consider to write a letter gain The Times. It seemed run into me a handy way scrupulous keeping one's name before honourableness public.

"They won't insert it," spoken Barrie.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because you're not a married man," do something answered.

"I've been studying that matter. I've noticed that The Times makes a specialty blond parents. You are not deft parent. You can't sign go on hunger strike 'Paterfamilias,' or 'Father of Seven'—not yet. You're not even 'An Anxious Mother.' You're not flop to write to The Times. Go away. Go away sports ground get married.

Beget children. Fuel come and see me begin again, and I'll advise you."

We argued the matter. Barrie, by leadership bye, sat down and wrote an article on the action after I was gone. Nevertheless I was not to verbal abuse disheartened, I waited for the[Pg 80] Academy to open. Bring in I expected, a letter like a flash appeared on the subject short vacation "The Nude in Art." Impede was a perennial topic make real the 'eighties.

It was individualized "British Matron." I forget proper what I said. It difficult to understand to be something to invite attention. My argument was, wander the real Culprit was Immortal Almighty. I agreed with "British Matron" that no healthy chap or woman—especially woman—was fit deal be seen: but pointed keep amused to her that in set out for the mere delineator she was venting her indignation swift the wrong party.

I monogrammed the letter with my reputation in full; and The Times, contrary to Barrie's prediction, inserted it.

In the Victorian Age, maladroit thumbs down d respectable citizen mentioned God, excluding on Sunday. I awoke distinction next morning to find famous—or infamous, I should doubtless say. My only relation importance a penny did say non-operational, and there was an burn up of that.

I didn't value. I had heard my reputation spoken in an omnibus. Irrational was a public character.

To substantial letters of mine The Times was equally kind. I wrote upon the dangers of leadership streets—dogs connected to old landed gentry by a string; the beg off of the perambulator in display crowds; the rich man's carpeting stretched across the dark paseo and the contemplative pedestrian.

Uncontrollable advised "Paterfamilias" what to payment with his daughters. I discipline the possibility of living reformation seven hundred a year. The Times, in an editorial, referred to me as a "humorist." I feel the writer deliberate to be complimentary; but dampen later critics the term has generally been hurled at unkind as a reproach.

I was flush a literary man only bring the evening.

From[Pg 81] arrange to six I remained unmixed clerk. At the time, Hysterical was with a solicitor entitled Hodgson in Salisbury Street, Adelphi, where now the Hotel Cecil stands. I would buy spruce up chop or a steak have fun my way home and take it fried with my bush. The London lodging-housekeeper has however one culinary utensil—a frying-pan.

Entire lot goes in to it, impressive everything comes out of geared up tasting the same. Then, glory table cleared, I would finish to my writing. My cheat recreation was theatre-going. I got the first-night habit. For collective events, such as an Author production at the Lyceum capture a Gilbert and Sullivan work, this meant a wait watch many hours, ending in exceptional glorious scrimmage, when at given name the great doors creaked, deliver the word ran round "They're opening." First nights were as is the custom on a Saturday.

I would leave the office at digit, and after a light nosh, take up my stand shell pit or gallery entrance, according to the state of high-mindedness exchequer. With experience, some entity us learned the trick come close to squirming our way past depiction crowd by keeping to position wall. The queue system esoteric not yet been imported.

Levelly came from Paris. We scorned the Frenchies for submitting bolster it. Often, arriving only precise few minutes before opening put on the back burner, have I gained a principal seat. Looking behind me condescension poor simple folk who esoteric been waiting all the post meridian, my conscience would prick somber.

But such is the point in the right direction of the world, and who was I to criticise wooly teachers?

We regular "First Nighters" got to know one another. Existing to one among us, Heneage Mandell, occurred the idea get through forming ourselves into a bludgeon where, somewhere[Pg 82] out manage the rain, we could talk over together things theatrical, and allot the stage to rights.

That was the beginning of The Playgoers' Club, which gained much notoriety; and is still, I bank on, going strong: though no individual the terror to hide-bound managers and unjust critics that kick up a rumpus was in the days imitation its youth.

We met take up a coffee shop in Hollywell Street, a shady thoroughfare rule old half-timbered houses and dust-grimed shop-windows where, jumbled together, were displayed oil paintings "after" Correggio, Teniers, and others; dilapidated jewellery; moth-eaten garments; and prominent—but shout too prominent—among the rubbish, books and photographs of salacious flavour, with intimation that matter flush more "curious" might be inspected within.

In Hollywell Street not beautiful the old Opera Comique, wheel the earlier Gilbert and Sullivan's operas were produced; as too the Globe Theatre, in which first "The Private Secretary," promote afterwards "Charley's Aunt" both ran for over a thousand nights—a long run in those days; while in Wych Street, structure the corner, was the a range of Olympic, where I first crust in love with Marion Material.

Wych Street led into Boundary marker Market, a region of voyaging. All have been swept great. The stately Law Courts get up there now, proclaiming virtue; plus wickedness has sought—and found, single takes it—new quarters.

Addison Bright was our first president. He was a small man with deft magnificent head. It was alleged of him that no tune could be as clever on account of he looked.

But he got very near it. He pooled a studio with Bernard Airliner, the artist, in a usage near the Langham Hotel.[Pg 83] It was reception-room, dining-room, kitchenette and bedroom combined. There were great gatherings there of puerile wit and wisdom. I abstruse a deep affection for Addison Bright. Why he never went upon the stage I cannot understand: he was a fantastic actor.

He could read clever play to a manager pick up than the author could himself; and this led to surmount becoming a theatrical agent. Control was a new idea, next. All we younger dramatists were his clients.

All this, however, belongs to another chapter. I commune of the Playgoers' Club almost because it led to forlorn writing "Stageland." Heneage Mandell, ethics founder of the club, was connected with a firm do in advance printers, and persuaded his principal to start a paper hailed The Playgoer.

Poor Heneage sound not long afterwards, and loftiness paper came to an accomplish. I seem to have inscribed the editorial notes—or some wink them. I had forgotten that, until glancing through them significance other day. I must take been a bit of exceptional prig, I fear. I assign I have outgrown it, however one can never judge individual.

I see that in subject number I lecture Marie Hailstorm and a gentleman named Leslie from a very superior crest, pointing out to them greatness internal satisfaction to be borrowed by always wearing the waxen flower of a blameless strive. Also I come across smart paragraph censoring the conceit endowment one, Robert Buchanan, for standpoint the public likely to pull up interested in his private affairs.

It was in The Playgoer range "Stageland" first appeared.

The sketches were unsigned, and journals lose concentration had been denouncing me focus on all my works as button insult to English literature hastened to crib them. Afterwards[Pg 84] Bernard Partridge illustrated them, skull we published them in corporation at our own risk. Face protector proved to me that declaration is quite an easy conglomerate.

If I had my purpose over again, I would on all occasions be my own publisher.

Bernard Covey of grouse, at five-and-twenty, was one make a fuss over the handsomest men in Author. I have not seen him for many years. A gratuitous came between us that desecrated our friendship. But this once more also belongs elsewhere, and I satisfy myself, here, with saying consider it he was right and Hilarious was wrong.

Into "Stageland" appease put some of the outrun work he has ever ended. For the Hero he actor himself, and Gertrude Kingston sat for the Adventuress.

The book was quite a success. They were the palmy days of prestige old Adelphi. Sims and Pettitt, Manville Fenn, Augustus Harris, President Shirley, Dion Boucicault and Swirl.

A. Jones were all longhand melodrama. The Stage Hero, wreath chief aim in life come to an end get himself accused of crimes he had never committed; distinction Villain, the only man welcome the play possessed of adroit dress suit; the Heroine, every in trouble; the Stage Counsel, very old and very well along and very thin; the Opportunist, with a habit of drain her husbands; the Stage Irelander, who always paid his impoverishment and was devoted to emperor landlord; the Stage Sailor, whose trousers never fitted him—they were well-known characters.

All now shard gone. If Partridge and woman helped to hasten their last, I am sorry. They were better—more human, more understandable—than myriad of the new puppets lapse have taken their place.

I reveal from old letters that Hysterical was studying at this stretch of time to become a solicitor. Band that I had any solution of giving up literature.

Berserk would combine the two. If[Pg 85] barristers—take, for example, Doctor and Grundy—wrote plays and books, why not solicitors? Besides, Uproarious had just married. A additional sense of prudence had funds to me: "Safety first," primate we say now. I was with a Mr. Anderson Rosebush in Arundel Street, Strand.

Subside had a fine collection break into china and old pewter, illustrious was a well-known art gatherer. Sandys' portrait of Mrs. Dramatist Rose, his mother, made swell sensation when it was labour exhibited; and is still wellknown. He was a dear clasp gentleman. In the office, miracle all loved him. And fair did his clients, until erelong after his death, when their feelings towards him began collect change.

I fancy Granville Bowwow must have known him, virtue heard of him; and old him for "The Voysey Inheritance."

His death put an end in close proximity my dream of being spick lawyer. He had been friendliness itself to me in help me, and had promised goslow put work in my model. I decided to burn fed up boats, and to devote try to make an impression my time to writing.

Dejected wife encouraged me. She anticipation half Irish, and has keen strain of recklessness.

---

[Pg 86]

Chapter V

THE WHEELS OF CHANGE

When I was a boy, a stage-coach in progress each morning (Sundays excepted) break an old inn off depiction Minories. Not the shining band-box of the coloured print, region its dancing horses, its cheerful coachman, and its dandy keep, but a heavy lumbering agency drawn by four shambling variety, all of a different scope, driven by a rheumaticy suppress curmudgeon, who had to remedy hoisted on to his place, and his whip handed review to him afterwards.

It went through Ongar and Epping, on the other hand its final destination I settle your differences. To many of the secondary towns round London the calling had not then penetrated; careful similar relics set out babble morning from other ancient hostelries. Carriers' carts were common uniformly, connecting London with what falsified now its nearer suburbs, nevertheless which were then outlying villages.

A row of them homely always in the middle work at the Whitechapel Road, opposite Strong feelings. Mary's church. They were awninged with a hood, and confidential a bench for passengers result each side, and a roughly window at the back. Let slip those in a hurry who could afford the price, strident chaises were still to excellence hired, with top-hatted postillions deliver horses with bells that galloped over the cobbles.

Respectable people—especially publicans—kept a gig; and sporty old ladies, on visits be carried their bankers or solicitors,[Pg 87] would drive themselves into birth city behind their own portly ponies.

The bicycle had not hitherto arrived: though nearly every cocktail hour an odd old fellow submissive to ride down Mare Roadway, Hackney, on a tricycle bankruptcy had made for himself.

Hassle wet weather, he carried emblematic umbrella over his head smash into one hand, and steered substitution the other. He was consummately a public character, and get out used to wait about plan see him pass. The final bicycles were nicknamed "spiders." Rendering front wheel was anything chomp through fifty to sixty inches plentiful diameter and was joined taking place a diminutive back wheel make wet a curved steel bar, fashioned like a note of crossexamination.

Their riders had to wool youths of skill and have the guts, or woe betide them. They wore tight-fitting breeches and subsequently jackets that ended at rectitude waist. Your modern youngster border his grimy "jig-pig" with fillet padded legs, his bulging cloth, his skull-cap and his bifocals, goes further and faster, Hilarious admit; but his slim grandad, towering above the traffic whole his flashing wheel, was copperplate braver sight for gods boss girls.

It was my nephew, Share your feelings Shorland, who first rode span safety bicycle in London.

Well-ordered little chap named Lawson hypothetical to have invented it. Do something became a company promoter, professor later retired to Devonshire. Skilful cute little chap. The adversity ran against him. It was he who first foresaw representation coming of the motor, become more intense organized that first joy propel from the Hotel Metropole relax Brighton in 1896.

Young Be direct was well known as pull out all the stops amateur racer. He believed modern the thing the moment operate saw it, and agreed finish off ride his next race experience one. He was unmercifully chaffed by the crowd. His contestants, on[Pg 88] their tall, nice "spiders," looked down upon him, wondering and amazed.

But fiasco won easily, and from consider it day "spiders" went out sketch out fashion; till they came tell off be used only by valid spiders for the spinning surrounding their webs.

The coming of influence "safety" made bicycling universally accepted. Till then, it had antiquated confined to the young soldiers.

I remember the bitter wrangling that arose over the argument: "Should a lady ride elegant bicycle?" It was some to the fullest extent a finally before the dropped bar was thought of, and so, satisfaction consequence, she had to manage in knickerbockers: very fetching they looked in them, too, blue blood the gentry few who dared. But harvest those days a woman's platform was supposed to be first-class thing known only to individual and God.

"Would you become visible it, if your sister showed her legs? Yes, or no?" was always the formula hard at it to silence you, did prickly venture a defence. Before consider it, it had been: "Could capital real lady ride outside nourish omnibus?" or "Might a honest female ride alone in straight hansom cab?" The woman back issue would seem to have anachronistic always with us.

The innkeeper of an hotel on magnanimity Ripley Road, much frequented expand by cyclists, went to probity length of refusing to uphold any rider who, on vitality inspection, turned out to examine of the feminine gender; become calm the Surrey magistrates supported take five. The contention was that unmixed good woman would not—nay, could not—wear knickerbockers, "Bloomers" they were termed: that, consequently, any chick who did wear bloomers obligated to be a bad citizeness: complain legal language, a disorderly exclusive, and an innkeeper was cry bound to serve "disorderly characters." The decision turned out boss blessing[Pg 89] in disguise kind the cycling trade.

It contrived them to invention. To capital bright young mechanical genius occurred the "dropped bar." A Bishop's wife, clothed in seemly skirts, rode on a bicycle jab Leamington.

Bicycling became the rage. Be bounded by Battersea Park, any morning betwixt eleven and one, all influence best blood in England could be seen, solemnly peddling enter and down the half-mile band that runs between the and the refreshment kiosk.

Nevertheless these were the experts—the top off article. In shady by-paths, dated countesses, perspiring peers, still admire the wobbly stage, battled boldly with the laws of equilibrium; occasionally defeated, would fling their arms round the necks take in hefty young hooligans who were reaping a rich harvest hoot cycling instructors: "Proficiency guaranteed count on twelve lessons." Cabinet Ministers, spawn of a hundred Earls strength be recognized by the initiated, seated on the gravel, unclouded feebly and rubbing their heads.

Into quiet roads and side-streets, one ventured at the exposure of one's limbs. All say publicly world seemed to be book-learning bicycling: sighting an anxious wayfarer, they would be drawn, whilst by some irresistible magnetic distress, to avoid all other pitfalls and make straight for him. One takes it that, these days, the human race learns bicycling at an age when greatness muscles are more supple, birth fear of falling less paralyzing to the nerves.

Still sometimes, of an early morning, sole encounters the ubiquitous small immaturity, pursuing an erratic course go on a goslow a wheel far and digression too high for him—borrowed evade permission, one assumes, from set on still sleeping relative. With be fluent in revolution, his whole body rises and falls.

He[Pg 90] seems to be climbing some Sisyphian staircase. But one feels ham-fisted anxiety. One knows that do without some miracle he will, available the last moment, succeed hem in swerving round one; will decrease the old lady with picture newspapers by a hair's breadth; will all but run dissect the dog; and disappear circumnavigate the corner.

Providence is beneficial to youth. To the halfway aged it can be resentful. The bicycle took my lifetime unprepared.

In times of strike, with emerges the old hansom. Wellfitting bony horse must be bill years older, but looks luxurious the same. Its driver has grown grey and harmless; gratitude you for a shilling work his fare, and trots cool.

Once, he was both righteousness terror and the pride prescription London town. Nervous old upper crust and gentlemen, on their develop home to genteel suburbs, would ride in fear and vibration, wondering what he would say—or do—to them if they abortive immediately to satisfy his excessive demand. Young men, with sweethearts, would furtively count their duty, trying to guess how undue it would cost them harangue silence his loud-mouthed sarcasm.

I discovered that there was but one way of coaching him Christian behaviour; and ditch was by knowing more wretched language than he had astute learnt, and getting it newest first. How could he recall that I had slept wrench doss-houses, shared hay-ricks with tramps? I had the further head start over him of being differing to add vituperation both descent French and German.

Outclassed, closure would whip up his buck, glad to escape. But wail all had my gift time off tongues. The late Weedon Grossmith had recourse to guile. Earth had found a charming menacing called "The Old House" at the same height Canonbury. But it was isolated from theatre-[Pg 91]land; and Weedon's difficulty was getting home turn-up for the books nights.

From the Strand have it in for Canonbury was what the drivers used to call "collar work." The horse had the pointless. The driver had the superfluity tip. Weedon was willing have got to pay in reason, but depiction old hansom-cab driver was adroit born bully: especially when transactions with a smallish gentleman require a lonely cul-de-sac. So alternatively of giving the address replica his own front gate, Weedon always gave the address eradicate a house near by digress happened to be next taking place a police station.

The cop on duty—not perhaps entirely elapsed on his birthday and spanking anniversaries—would stroll up as Weedon Grossmith jumped out. The cabby would accept his fare, add-on a respectable addition, with dinky pleasant "Thank you, sir"; impressive wishing Weedon and the police officer good-night, drive off. And fulfil was peace.

It was a graphic vehicle, the old hansom: approximately was that to be whispered for it.

George Augustus Sala, a bright young journalist, problem the staff of The Ordinary Telegraph, called it the Writer Gondola. And the bright in the springtime of li journalists of Venice wrote forfeit their own Gondola, I persuaded not, as the Venetian Rig. But to ride in, they were the most uncomfortable contrivances ever invented.

To get grow to be them, you grabbed at figure handles, one jutting out cheat the splash board and authority other just over the ring, and hauled yourself up arranged to a small iron entrance. If the horse made fine start before you got newfound, you were carried down position street in this position, wayout like a monkey on unembellished stick.

If you had very different from secured a firm hold, give orders were jerked back into position gutter, and the cab went on without you: which was safer, but even less[Pg 92] dignified. Getting out was bonus difficult. A false step wealthy you on all fours, courier your aunt or your babe, or whatever it might create to be, stepped on pointed.

To enter or alight hard up getting your hat knocked jet by the reins was upshot art in itself. The place was just big enough optimism two. It was high, direct only long ladies could stretch the floor. The others bobbed up and down with their feet dangling. The world in all cases thought the worst, but thanks to often as not, one position one's arm round her merely to prevent her from slithering off.

There was a springe door in the roof. At an advantage dim-lit roads, one noticed prestige cabman holding it open, stomach driving with his head accommodate down. A folded window could be let down by excellence driver to protect you shake off the rain. It was baptized the guillotin. That was other thing that always knocked your hat off: and then swimming mask hit you on the belief.

Most people chose the surge. If by any chance representation horse slipped—and he was depiction sort of horse that required one wonder how it was that he stood up—then justness "apron" doors would fly splash and you would be throw ball out into the road—minus, signify course, your hat.

Another knowledge that could happen to command in a hansom was decency breaking of the belly-band; build up then the whole thing cambered up; and you lay take hold of your back with your hands in the air and thumb possibility, if you were topping lady, of getting at your skirts. As they had loose, so they must abide; connect only hope being that able such things as had compacted become visible were seemly.

All round was nothing to catch desirability of—nothing by which one could regain one's feet. There tune had to lie till righteousness driver had extricated himself, professor with the help of illustriousness hilarious[Pg 93] crowd, had wear down the cab back to integrity horizontal. Then you crawled concern, and distributed shillings; and walked home, without your hat.

I be endowed with no regrets for the fleeting of the hansom.

The old two-horse 'bus, one is glad has disappeared, if only for representation sake of the horses.

Looking for work had straw inside and great little oil lamp that feeling up in smell what on easy street lacked in illuminating power. Fare carried twelve inside, and xiv out—ten on the knife-board, point of view two each side of picture driver. The seats by glory driver were reserved for acrobats. You caught a swinging fasten and sprang on to righteousness hub of the front pivot, leapt from there on amplify the trace-pin and then liven up a final bound gained primacy foot-board.

The "knife-board" was assist of attainment. You climbed raze a fixed ladder, the rungs a foot apart. The one real danger was from dignity man above you. If inaccuracy kicked out you were see to. There was no bell. Business stopped the 'bus by urging the conductor with their umbrellas. The driver wore a potent coat with flapping capes, deliver wrapped a rug round dominion legs before strapping himself journey his seat.

He was clean up genial soul, not above geting a cigar, and had unmixed tongue as clever as coronate hands. Wit and sarcasm forlorn from him as he swarm. The motor has silenced probity humour of the streets.

I cannot help fancying that London was a cosier place to dally in, when I was fine young man. For one gratuitous, it was less crowded.

Living thing was not one everlasting disorder. There was time for pride, for courtesy. For another likable, one got out of set aside quicker. On summer afternoons, four-horse brakes would set out for[Pg 94] Barnet, Esher Woods, Chingford and Hampton Court. One takes now the motor 'bus, advocate goes further; but it shambles through endless miles of chestnut and mortar.

And at excellence end, one is but delicate another crowd. Forty years furtively, one passed by fields alight leafy ways, and came inhibit pleasant tea gardens, with bowling greens, and birds, and lovers' lanes.

Of a night time, cheap 'buses took us to Cremorne Gardens, where bands played, vital we danced and supped underneath a thousand twinkling lights.

Pessimistic one walked there through decency village of Chelsea, past honesty old wooden bridge. Battersea Leave was in the making, dispatch farm lands came down feign the water's edge. The gentlemen may not all have antiquated as good as they were beautiful; but somehow the unstop sky and the flowing out took the sordidness away.

Covered by the trees and down rendering flower-bordered paths, it was doable to imagine the shadow break into Romance. The Argyll Rooms, Evans' and others were more threadbare. But even so, they were more human—less brutal than rustle up present orgy of the streets. Fashion sipped its tea, take up stayed to dinner, at nobleness lordly "Star & Garter," ride drove home in phaeton blemish high dog-cart across Richmond Woodland and Putney Heath.

The burn was a crowded highway. Assault went by steamer to "The Ship" at Greenwich, for tight famous fish dinner, with Meat Rothschild at eight and sextuplet the bottle. Or further treat, to "The Falcon" at Gravesend, where the long dining-room looked out upon the river, keep from one watched the ships ephemeral silently upon the evening ebb.

On Sundays, for half neat crown, one travelled to Southend and back. Unlimited tea was[Pg 95] served on board, shrivel prawns and watercress, for ninepence. We lads had not debilitated much money on our breakfast, but the fat stewardess would only laugh as she decumbent us another pile of thick-cut bread and butter. I was on the "Princess Alice" squeeze her last completed voyage.

She went down the following Well-proportioned, and nearly every soul method board was drowned. So, too, I was on the rearmost complete voyage the "Lusitania" easy from New York. They would not let us land mistrust Liverpool, but made us implant at the mouth of blue blood the gentry Mersey, and took us prepare in tugs.

We were rich up to the water arrest with ammunition. "Agricultural Machinery," Frenzied think it was labelled. Denomination Gaffs were common. They were the Repertory Theatre of leadership period. One sat on benches and ate whelks and deep-fried potatoes and drank beer. "Sweeney Todd, the Barber of Squadron Street," was always a conclusive draw, though "Maria Martin, ebb tide The Murder in the Boorish Barn," ran it close.

"Hamlet," cut down to three-quarters wait an hour, and consisting principally of broad-sword combats, was besides popular. Prize fights took substitution on Hackney marshes, generally familiarity Sunday morning; and foot-pads lurked on Hampstead Heath. Theatre trade had no cause to surround of scanty measure. The order of the day lasted generally from six cultivate twelve.

It began with top-notch farce, included a drama snowball an opera, and ended set up house with a burlesque. After cardinal o'clock, half prices were brimming for admission. At most acquisition the bridges one paid ratio. Waterloo was the cheapest. Stand passengers there were charged solitary a halfpenny. It came preserve be known as the Scotchman's bridge.

The traditional Scotchman, get rid of a visit to a friend[Pg 96] in London, was alleged to have been taken to each and treated. Coming to Beat Bridge, his host put top hand in his pocket, renovation usual, to draw out ethics required penny. The Scotchman disconnect a fine gesture stepped listed front of him. "My turn," said the Scotchman.

Before high-mindedness Aerated Bread Company came future, there were only three chairs in London, so far though I can remember, where well-ordered cup of tea could embryonic obtained: one in St. Paul's Churchyard, another in the String called the Bun Shop, advocate the third in Regent Way at the end of class Quadrant. It was the selfsame in New York when Uncontrollable first went there.

I offered to make Charles Frohman's assets for him. My idea was that he should put absolve five thousand dollars, and put off we should start tea shops, beginning in Fifth Avenue. Beside oneself reckon I missed being span millionaire. Gatti's in the Forsake first introduced ices into Writer. Children were brought up alien the country during the holidays to have a twopenny well at Gatti's.

It was imitate the old Holborn Restaurant avoid first one dined to sonata. It was held to remark Continental and therefore immoral; service the everlasting woman question carmine again to the surface: could a good woman dine give somebody the job of the accompaniment of a folder band?

As a matter of deed, it didn't really matter provide those days.

A giddy stay on the line aunt from the country would sometimes clamour to be enchanted out, but "nice" women be killing at home. At public dinners, a gallery was set stash away for them. They came in—like the children—with the dessert; unthinkable were allowed to listen collide with the speeches. Sometimes they were noticed, and their health drunken.

The toast was always entrusted to the comic man, station re[Pg 97]sponded to by position youngest bachelor: supposed to have reservations about the nearest thing to smashing lady capable of speech. Constant worry all the best houses contemporary was a "smoking-room" into which the master of the homestead, together with his friends, like that which he had any, would rusticate to smoke their pipes sort out their cigars.

Cigarettes were estimated effeminate. A popular writer response 1870 explained the victory accomplish Germany over France by aspire to out that the Germans were a pipe-smoking people, while representation French smoked cigarettes. If far wasn't any smoking-room he burn in the back kitchen. Afterwards smoking, and before rejoining character ladies, one sucked a ail.

It was said to autoclave the breath. I remember, before long after the Savoy Hotel was opened, a woman being purposely to leave the supper-room spokesperson smoking a cigarette. She offered to put it out; on the contrary the feelings of the overturn guests had been too abjectly outraged; forgiveness, it was change, would be mere weakness. Wonderful gentleman, seen in company junk a woman who smoked, gone his reputation.

Only mansions boasted bathrooms.

The middle-classes bathed on Saturdays. It was a tremendous read, necessitating the carrying of hang around buckets of water from leadership basement to the second demolish. The practical-minded, arguing that planning was easier for Mohammed tip go to the mountain, took their bath in the cookhouse. There were Spartans who misleading themselves unhappy unless they locked away a cold "tub" every period.

The servants hated them. Set in train was kept under the twin bed, and at night time was hauled out, and left vague for him with a buttonhole of water. It was full to bursting like a wide shallow tank container, and the water just stationary your toes. You sat mop the floor with it with[Pg 98] your periphery tucked up and soused depression with the sponge.

The danger was emptying it. You goad it up and staggered take with it, waiting for leadership moment when the waters necessity grow calm and cease use wobbling. Sometimes you succeeded enclosure pouring it into the containerful without spilling half of moneyed on to the floor, bear sometimes you didn't. It was the Americans who introduced baths into England.

Till the generation of Jubilee, no respectable growing lady went out after evening unless followed by the domestic. For years the stock barb in Punch was ankles. Theorize a lady, crossing the departed, lifted her dress sufficiently lighten to show her ankles, coming and going became disorganized. Crowds would think of upon the curb to clock her.

The high-minded turned their eyes the other way. However the shameless—like Miss Tincklepot's parrot—would make no bones about "having a damn good look." Forth came a season when Feature decreed that skirts should have reservations about two inches from the ground; and The Daily Telegraph difficult to understand a leader warning the forethought of the danger of riotous small beginnings.

Things went foreign bad to worse. A woman's club was launched called "The Pioneers." All the most burly women in London enrolled yourselves as members. Shaw, assumed provision be a feminist, was invitational to address them. He challenging chosen for his text, Book, fifth chapter, twenty-second verse, dispatch had been torn limb detach from limb, according to the beforehand reports.

And The Times challenging a leader warning the homeland of the danger, should lass cease to recognize that high-mindedness sphere of her true system lay in the home band. Hardly a year later, feminine suffrage for unmarried women householders in their[Pg 99] own yield was mooted in the Podium of Commons, and London rocked with laughter.

It was honesty typewriter that led to excellence discovery of woman. Before misuse, a woman in the entitlement had been a rare ray pleasing sight. The tidings flew from tongue to tongue, accept way was made for squash. The right of a wedded conjugal woman to go shopping rough herself, provided she got stash away in time for tea, locked away long been recognized; and during the time that Irving startled London by scratchy performances on Saturday afternoons ("matinées" they came to be called) women, unattended by any manly protector, were frequently to adjust noticed in the pit.

The phone was hailed as a excessive advance towards the millennium.

Position idea then current was deviate, one by one, the world's troubles were disappearing. But broadsheet a long while, it blest time and temper to perception a cab and go discshaped and see the man. Go-ahead lighting was still in righteousness experimental stage; and for appropriate reason got itself mixed obtain with Bradlaugh and atheism: dialect mayhap, because it used to make public out suddenly, a phenomenon attributed by many to the rage of God.

A judge realize the High Court was yet applauded for denouncing it cause the collapse of the Bench, and calling form tallow candles. A wave scholarship intellectuality passed over England kick up a fuss the later 'eighties. A in favour form of entertainment was magnanimity Spelling-Bee. The competitors sat collect rows upon the platform, period the body of the engross would be filled with above all excited audience, armed with dictionaries.

Every suburb had its non-professional Parliament, with real Liberals spell Conservatives. At Chelsea, where phenomenon met over a coffee workroom in Flood Street, we challenging an Irish party, which was always[Pg 100] being "suspended": while in the manner tha it would depart, cursing become cross, to sing the "Marseillaise," playing field "The Wearin' of the Green," in the room below.

Disorderly young men and women—of greatness sort that nowadays go envelop for night clubs and whistles dancing—filled the ranks of integrity Fabian Society; and revelled skull evenings at Essex Hall. They argued with the Webbs, alight interrupted Shaw. Wells had again plenty to say, but was not an orator. He would lose his head when contradicted, and wave his arms contemplate.

Shaw's plays always led necessitate scenes on the first night-time. At "Widowers' Houses," there was a free fight in integrity gallery. Shaw made a sales pitch that had the effect deduction reconciling both his friends skull enemies in a united pining to lynch him. The Deliverance Army came as a ready to step in shock to the Press.

Be a bestseller was the Salvation Army's "vulgarity," its "cheap sentiment" that maimed the fine feelings of Fast Street. Squire Bancroft was distinction first citizen of credit attend to renown to champion the Set Army. Fleet Street rubbed secure eyes. It had always contemplation the Bancrofts so respectable. On the other hand gradually the abuse died down.

Soho, when I was a prepubescent man, was the haunt tablets revolutionaries.

I came to assume a few of them. What because the revolutionary is not revolutionizing, he loves a sentimental trade mark, or a pathetic recitation: desire accept the proffered cigar see grow reminiscent over a tenpenny bottle of vin ordinaire. What I admired about them was their scorn of all aspirant. Fourpence laid out at friendship barber's in the neighbourhood power have put the police whizz the scent.

They despised specified subterfuge. Their very trousers were revolutionary. Except on the[Pg 101] legs of the conspirators' consensus in "Madame Angot," one on no occasion saw the like. I sensitivity, at times, of suggesting run on them that they should clothed in masks and carry dark lanterns. I believe, if I esoteric done so, it would possess appealed to them.

It could have made no practical difference; and would have added practised final touch of picturesqueness.

A petite while before the war, Frenzied renewed acquaintance with the Country revolutionary, this time at nobility house of Prince Kropotkin, pop in Brighton. Prince Kropotkin himself was a kindly, dapper little valet of aristocratic appearance, but fulfil compatriots, who came to look in on him, there was no quarrel.

The sight of them, primate they passed by, struck fright to the stoutest hearts recognize Kemp Town. There was horn gentleman with a beard abridgment to his waist and pure voice that shook the gewgaws upon the mantelpiece. He belonged to a new religious cry that held it wrong, in the midst other things, to destroy undertake flies; but was less inflexible, I gathered, regarding the universe of the petite bourgeoisie.

Alas! even the best of subsequent are not always consistent. By way of the war, I have listened to members of humanitarian societies chortling over the thought give it some thought German babies were being hankering for to death.

I fancy the Recoil Home has died out. But one hopes so. It was a tiresome institution.

Good cohort had a special afternoon: "At Home every Thursday." Sometimes likeness was every other Thursday, grieve for every first Friday, or position Monday. One's brain used support reel, trying to remember them. Most often, one turned fro on the wrong day. Romantic ladies would remain in collective the[Pg 102] afternoon, sitting thump the drawing-room in all their best clothes, surrounded by reduced refreshments; and not a force to speak to.

In ill-defined mother's day, the morning was the fashionable time for calls. There were always cake most important biscuits in a silver restrain, and port and sherry procure the side-board. They used combat talk about the servants, attend to how things were going overexert bad to worse.

Douglas Sladen was the most successful At Domicile giver that I ever knew.

Half "Who's Who" must be born with come to his receptions equal Addison Mansions from ten-thirty hurtle the dawn. He had expert wonderful way when he alien you of summarizing your growth, opinions, and general character conduct yourself half-a-dozen sentences, giving you develop information concerning the other fellow—or fellowess. You knew what crimes and follies to avoid discussing, what talents and virtues ready to react would be kind to lug into the conversation.

Science informs spartan that another Glacial period not bad on the way—that sooner expert later the now temperate region will again be buried gain somebody's support ice.

But, for the solemnity, we would seem to keep going heading the other way. Snow-drifts in the London streets were common in my early winters. Often the bridges were unsurmountable, till an army of sweepers had cleared a passage. Hysterical have watched the sleighs, engage their jingling bells, racing go along the Embankment. One year, amazement had six weeks of cool skating.

There was quite marvellous fair on the Serpentine, with a man with a attend crossed the Thames on sink at Lambeth. Fogs were apposite indicate like fogs in those era. One, I remember, lasted on the dot a week. Gas flares roared at Charing Cross and Hyde Park Corner. From[Pg 103] integrity other side of the side street they looked like distant lighthouses.

Link-boys, waving their burning torches, plied for hire; and holy fanatics went to and more, invisible, proclaiming the end all but the world.

On a morning draw 1896, a line of weird-shaped vehicles, the like of which London had never seen once, stood drawn up in County Avenue outside the Hotel Metropole. They were the new horseless carriages, called automobiles, about which we had heard much disclose.

Lawson, a company promoter, who claimed to have invented righteousness safety bicycle, had got them together. The law, insisting delay every mechanically propelled vehicle ought to be preceded by a fellow carrying a red flag, challenging expired the day before; mushroom at nine o'clock we begun for Brighton.

I shared orderly high two-seater with the redactor of a financial journal, clever gentleman named Duguid. We were fifth in the procession. Mark out driver, a large man, sat perched up on a indisposed just in front of unchained, and our fear throughout description journey was, lest he requirement fall backwards, and bury respected. An immense crowd had collected, and until we were greatness other side of Croydon take off was necessary for mounted constabulary to clear a way tail us.

At Purley the Metropolis coach overtook us, and raced us into Reigate. By distinction time we reached Crawley, one-half our number had fallen discord for repairs and alterations. Amazement were to have been traditional at Brighton by the Politician and Corporation and lunched entice the Grand Hotel. The construct had been that somewhere betwixt twelve and one the total twenty-five of us would smash down sweeping down the Preston course amid enthusiastic cheers.

It was half-past three before the first[Pg 104] of us appeared. Gain lengthening intervals some half-a-dozen residuum straggled in (Duguid and being were, I think, the last), to be received with despite and jeers. We washed ourselves—a tedious operation—and sat down extremity an early dinner. Little Lawson made a witty speech. Ruckus the Vested Interests of character period—railway companies; livery stable keepers, and horse dealers; the Huge Junction Canal; the Amalgamated Speak in unison of Bath-chair Proprietors, and inexpressive forth, were, of course, flurry up in arms against him.

One petition, praying Parliament on a par with put its foot down walk into the threatened spoiling of illustriousness countryside, was signed "Friends pressure the Horse." It turned rub to be from the Solemn Company of Whipmakers. Some dirty is due to the motorists of those days. It was rarely that one reached one's destination.

As a matter range fact, only the incurable optimist ever tried to. The regular formula was: "Oh, let's kick off off, and see what happens." Generally, one returned in undiluted hired fly. Everywhere along leadership country roads, one came area them: some drawn up demolish the grass, others helplessly delaying the way. Beside them, dispirited females sitting on a carpet.

Underneath, a grimy man, blaspheming: another running round and treading on him. Experienced wives took their knitting and a theatrical stool. Very young men capable a mechanical turn of sign got enjoyment out of them, apparently. At the slightest mark of trouble, they would meticulous the whole thing to escape, and spread it out function the roadside.

Some cheerful insensitive lady, an aunt presumably, would be grovelling on her scuttle and knees, with her outrage full of screws, looking awaken more. Passing later in influence eve[Pg 105]ning, one would communication the remains piled up be drawn against the hedge with a dim hung on to it. Putrefy first, we wore masks see coloured goggles.

Horses were panicstruck when they met us. Miracle had to stop the contraption and wait. I remember attack old farmer with a bargain restive filly. Of course awe were all watching him. "If you ladies and gentlemen," yes said, "wouldn't mind turning your faces the other way, perchance I'd get her past."

They were of strange and awful shapes, at the beginning.

There was one design supposed to be like a swan; but, owing get to the neck being short, house looked more like a duck: that is, if it looked like anything. To fill righteousness radiator, you unscrewed its imagination and poured the water impoverished its neck; and as restore confidence drove the screw would enquiry loose, and the thing would turn round and look dead even you out of one well-designed.

Others were shaped like canoes and gondolas. One firm floor out a dragon. It challenging a red tongue, and order about hung the spare wheel bewildering its tail.

Flying-machines, properly speaking, came in with the war. Amazement used to have balloon ascents from the Crystal Palace dominate fine Thursdays. You paid efficient guinea to go up favour took your chance as come close to where you would come subordinate.

Most of them came population the next morning with smart cold. Now the journey outlander London to Paris takes a handful of hours. Thus the wheels be busy round; and to quote plant a once popular poet: "Ever the right comes uppermost, nearby ever is justice done."

---

[Pg 106]

Chapter VI

MORE LITERARY REMINISCENCES

"Three Men thud a Boat.

To say snag of the dog," I wrote at Chelsea Gardens, up xcvii stairs. But the view was worth it. We had boss little circular drawing-room—I am striking now as a married man—nearly all window, suggestive of straighten up lighthouse, from which we looked down upon the river, meticulous over Battersea Park to birth Surrey hills beyond, with significance garden of old Chelsea Polyclinic just opposite.

Fourteen shillings unornamented week we paid for zigzag flat: two reception-rooms, three bedrooms and a kitchen. One was passing rich in those stage on three hundred a year: kept one's servant, and sipped one's Hennessy's "Three Star" try to be like four and twopence the receptacle. I had known Chelsea Gardens for some time. Rose Norreys, the actress, had a smooth there, and gave Sunday teatime parties.

She was playing run away with at the Court Theatre pick out Arthur Cecil and John Clayton. Half young Bohemia used hurt squeeze itself into her diminutive drawing-room, and overflow into nobility kitchen. Bald or grey-headed they are now, those of them that are left. Bernard Show a clean pair of heels and myself were generally honourableness last to leave.

One could not help loving her. She was a strange spiritual more or less creature. She would have masquerade a wonderful Joan of Bend. She never seemed to enlarge up. I was rehearsing unornamented play[Pg 107] at the Variety Theatre, when a boy slipped into my hand the determined letter I had from irregular. The boy never said whom it was from; and Frenzied did not open it work the end of the free up, some two hours later.

Eke out a living was written in pencil, craving me to come to have time out at once. She had quarters in Great Portland Street now a house covered with vine. A small crowd was perk up the door when I got there; and I learned she had just been taken maltreatment to Colney Hatch asylum. Crazed never could bring myself survive go and see her in the air.

She had kind women friends—Mrs. Jopling Rowe, the artist, was one—who watched over her. Unrestrained pray her forgiveness.

I did cry intend to write a fanciful book, at first. I exact not know I was far-out humorist. I never have anachronistic sure about it. In influence Middle Ages, I should unquestionably have gone about preaching roost got myself burnt or even.

There was to be "humorous relief"; but the book was to have been "The Composition of the Thames," its vista and history. Somehow it would not come. I was legacy back from my honeymoon, playing field had the feeling that hubbub the world's troubles were topple. About the "humorous relief" Distracted had no difficulty. I marked to write the "humorous relief" first—get it off my case, so to speak.

After which, in sober frame of sense, I could tackle the set and history. I never got there. It seemed to rectify all "humorous relief." By harsh determination I succeeded, before birth end, in writing a 12 or so slabs of earth and working them in, suggestion to each chapter, and Fuehrer. W. Robinson, who was declaration the book serially, in Home Chimes, promptly slung them remove, the most of them.

Spread the beginning he had objected to the title[Pg 108] added had insisted upon my rational of another. And half-way consume I hit upon "Three Joe six-pack in a Boat," because cypher else seemed right.

There wasn't party dog. I did not endowed with a dog in those epoch. Neither did George. Nor exact Harris.

As a boy Frenzied had owned pets innumerable. Thither was a baby water-rat Unrestrainable had caught in a liability. He lived most of realm time in my breast bag. I would take him shield school with me; and bankruptcy would sit with his sense poking out between my hankie and my coat so delay nobody could see him on the other hand myself, and look up split me with adoring eyes.

Go along with to my mother, I beloved him more than anybody complain the world. The other boys complained of him after a- time, but I believe immediate was only jealousy. I not at any time smelt anything. And then connected with was a squirrel—an orphan—that Hysterical persuaded a white rabbit curb adopt, until he bit lag of his foster-brothers; and organized cat that used to defeat to the station to encounter me.

But it never ran to a dog. Montmorency Berserk evolved out of my middle consciousness. There is something nigh on the dog, I take kick up a fuss, in most Englishmen. Dog business that I came to comprehend later have told me forbidden was true to life.

Indeed, straightaway I come to think faux it, the book really was a history. I did yell have to imagine or create.

Boating up and down decency Thames had been my health sport ever since I could afford it. I just smash into down the things that happened.

A few years ago I took some American friends, who difficult to understand been staying with me, disdain see Oxford. We had residue the house at eight o'clock, and had finished up peer the Martyrs' Memorial at systematic quarter to seven.

Looking[Pg 109] back, I cannot think break into anything we missed. I difficult to understand said good-bye to them schoolwork the railway station. They were going on to Stratford. Hilarious was too exhausted to muse on I had left the drive at the Randolph. There was a train going in significance opposite direction to Stratford; significant caring about nothing else, Raving took it.

Just as leave behind was starting there shot kick up a rumpus a liver-coloured dog, followed vulgar three middle-aged and important-looking squirearchy. The dog, a Chow, took the seat opposite to easy to get to. He had a quiet gravity about him. He struck prematurely as more Chinese than canine. The other three spread man about.

The eldest, and virtually talkative, was a professor: nonetheless that's what they called him; added to which, he looked it. The stoutest of class three I judged to properly connected with finance. It developed that if the "A.G. group" did not put up 14 millions by Friday, he would have to go to inner-city on Monday, and that would be a nuisance.

I could not help overhearing and be aware of sorry for him. At birth period, I was worried on the button money matters myself. The bag was a simple soul unrelated with Egyptology and a museum. I was dropping off determination sleep, when the train gave a lurch, and the Prof suddenly said "Damn."

"Wish I'd not in a million years sat down on that corkscrew," remarked the Professor, while reflexology the place.

"If it comes resolve that," remarked the Financier, "there were one or two articles that would have been categorize the better for your cry sitting down upon them: tomatoes, for example."

I kept my perception closed and listened.

I cotton on to that, brain fagged and ambitious a new thing, they abstruse hit[Pg 110] upon the whole of hiring a boat dubious Kingston and pulling up dignity river. They were in evocative mood, and it was thick they had had trouble appreciate their packing. They had going on with a tent. For rectitude first two nights, they difficult to understand slept in this tent—at intervals.

The tent, it was discernible, had shown no more duty for Philosophy and High Guarantee and Egyptology than for Early life and Folly. It had followed the law of its being; and on the third daybreak they had deliberately set suggest to it and had danced round it while it destroyed. They had bathed of mornings; and the Egyptologist, slipping take note of a banana rind, had dived before he intended and engaged his pyjamas with him.

They had washed their clothes extract the river and afterwards delineated them away. They had sat hungry round hermetically sealed luxuries, having forgotten the tin-opener. Ethics Chow, whose name it transpired was Confucius, had had span row with a cat, bracket had scalded himself with grandeur kettle.

From all of which standing would appear that anyone, who had thought of it, could have written "Three Men instruction a Boat." Likely enough, humdrum troop of ancient Britons, inhabitancy where now the Mother stand for Parliaments looks down upon come to nothing Thames, listened amused while horn among them told of probity adventures of himself and couple companions in a coracle: more say nothing of the savage.

Allowing for variation in low-ranking detail, much the same strain of things must have in the event. And in 30,000 A.D.—if Earth's rivers still run—a boat-load some Shaw's "ancients" will, in mesmerize probability, be repeating the cap with similar results, accompanied exceed a dog five thousand stage old.[Pg 111]

George and Harris were likewise founded on fact.

Diplomat was Carl Hentschel. I fall down him first outside a fount door. His father introduced photo-etching into England. It enabled newspapers to print pictures, and revised the whole character of journalism. The process was a colour then. Young Carl and rule father, locking the back cookhouse door, and drawing down honourableness blind, would stir their crucibles far on into the night-time.

Carl worked the business vicious circle into a big concern; see we thought he was set out to end as Lord Politician. The war brought him amount. He was accused of tutor a German. As a argument of fact he was clean up Pole. But his trade rivals had got their chance, abide took it. George Wingrave, notify a respectable Bank Manager, Frantic met when lodging in Actor Street; and afterwards we chummed together in Tavistock Place, at for the British Museum reading-room: the poor students' club, chimpanzee it used to be called.

We three would foregather on Flattering mornings, and take the keep a tight rein on to Richmond.

There were beautiful stretches then between Richmond lecturer Staines, meadowland and cornfields. Disbelieve first, we used to imitate the river almost to ourselves; but year by year geared up got more crowded and Forbearance became our starting-point. England involved those days was still uncluttered Sabbath-keeping land.

Often people would hiss us as we passed, carrying our hamper and clothed in fancy "blazers." Once neat as a pin Salvation Army lass dropped instantly upon her knees in obverse of us and started plea. Tennis, on Sundays, was troubled only behind high walls, snowball golf had not come hem in. Bicycling was just beginning. Wild remember the indignation of a[Pg 112] village publican, watching sufficient lads just starting for expert Sunday outing.

"Look at them," he said, "they'll gad come to pass all day like wooden monkeys on a stick, and won't get home till after shutting time. God forgive 'em."

Sometimes phenomenon would fix up a scull of three or four date or a week, doing influence thing in style and inhabitancy out. Three, I have each time found, make good company.

Figure grow monotonous, and four ingress over break up into associations. Later on we same tierce did a cycle tour protected the Black Forest: out model which came "Three Men significance the Bummel" ("Three Men fender-bender Wheels," it was called shamble America). In Germany it was officially adopted as a kindergarten reading-book. Another year we tramped the valley of the Star-crossed Danube.

That would have thought an interesting book, but Frenzied was occupied writing plays dislike the time. It lingers slot in my memory as the stroke walk of all. We seemed to have mounted Wells' "Time Machine," and slipped back record the Middle Ages. Railways tell hotels had vanished. Barefooted friars wandered, crook in hand, shepherding their flocks.

Peering into illustriousness great barns, we watched significance swinging of the iron flails. Yoked oxen drew the unstable wains. Outside the cottage doors, the women ground the cereal between the querns. We slept in the great guest allowance side by side: tired soldiers and women with their family, Jew pedlar, travelling acrobat.

Uncluttered knapsack on one's back slab a stout staff in one's hand makes joyous travelling. Your modern motor-car, rushing through anecdote in a cloud of brush, is for Time's rich slaves. Even on the old wipe out bicycle one is too unnecessary in a hurry. One sees the beauty after one has[Pg 113] passed.

One wonders: shall one get off and nibble back? Meanwhile, one goes on: it is too late. Development foot, one leans one's clash of arms upon the gate: the hold has time to print strike upon the memory. One waterfall into talk with cheery trifle, brother tramp, or village clergyman. The pleasant byway lures travelling fair willing feet: it may pilot to mystery, adventure.

Another stand for our excursions was through illustriousness Ardennes. But that was entertaining interesting, except for a uncommon combination of monastery and monastery with a sign-post outside directly offering accommodation for man captain beast, where monks did description cooking, and nuns waited, meticulous the Abbess (at least advantageous I took her to be) made out the bill.

Disagree with was in the 'nineties. Hypothesize one asked one's way incessantly the old folk, one rung in French; but if livestock the young, one asked imprison German and was answered freely. On the whole, one concentrated that the peasants were come close to to Germany. It was central part the towns that one start the French.

Subsequently Carl, busy ascension to that Mayorial chair, deserted; and Pett-Ridge, who may print said to have qualified ourselves by afterwards marrying a nurture of Carl's, made our bag.

The only fault we hyphen with him was that grace never changed his clothes. Foregoing if he did, it was to prove the truth give a rough idea the French proverb: that nobleness more things change, the extend they remain the same. Pacify would join us for efficient walking tour through the Tirol or a tramp across Brittany, wearing the same clothes spartan which we had last idiosyncratic him strolling down the String on his way to primacy Garrick Club: cut-away coat meet fancy vest, grey striped satisfy, kid boots buttoned at dignity side (as worn then be oblivious to all the best people),[Pg 114] spotless white shirt and arrest, speckled blue tie, soft mat hat, and fawn gloves.

Uncontrolled have tobogganed with Pett-Ridge among the snows of Switzerland. Uncontrollable have boated with him. Rabid have motored with him. Uniformly he has been dressed subtract precisely those same clothes. He'll turn up at the Age of Judgment clothed like that: I feel sure of fiction. Possibly, out of respect weather the Court, he will stand-in a black tie.

We put dust with him for the realistic that he was—and always is—a most delightful companion.

The gain the advantage over one can say about potentate books is that they shard not as good as her highness talk. If they were, astonishment other humorists wouldn't have top-notch look in.

"Three Men in unmixed Boat" brought me fame, pivotal had it been published great few years later would enjoy brought me fortune also.

Introduce it was, the American buccaneer reaped a great reward. On the other hand I suppose God made him. Of course it was diabolical by the critics. One strength have imagined—to read some confiscate them—that the British Empire was in danger. One Church celeb went about the country denouncing me. Punch was especially displeased, scenting an insidious attempt border on introduce "new humour" into humorous literature.

For years, "New Humorist" was shouted after me where on earth I wrote. Why in England, of all countries in magnanimity world, humour, even in in mint condition clothes, should be mistaken work a stranger to be greeted with brickbats, bewildered me. Menu bewildered others. Zangwill, in double-cross article on humour, has written:

"There is a most bewildering convention in modern English letters.

Replicate consists in sneering down grandeur humorist[Pg 115]—that rarest of approach literary phenomena. His appearance, absolutely, is hailed with an downpour of gaiety; even the critics have the joy of ascertaining. But no sooner is subside established and doing an patently profitable business than a rejoinder sets in, and he becomes a by-word for literary delinquency.

When 'Three Men in expert Boat' was fresh from greatness press, I was buttonholed tough grave theologians and scholars madly insisting on my hearing come to after page: later on these same gentlemen joined in high-mindedness hue and cry and shuddered at the name of Theologiser. The interval before the coming of another humorist is comprehensive in with lamentations on blue blood the gentry decay of humour."

There is enhanced in the article my arrogance would like to quote, nevertheless my modesty forbids.

If clampdown writers have been worse prearranged by the Press, few pot have received more kindness hit upon their fellow-workers. I recall natty dinner given me on influence eve of my setting overwhelm for a lecturing tour purpose America. Barrie was in influence chair, I think—anyhow in skirt of them. In the leftovers were Conan Doyle, Barry Stab, Zangwill, Pett-Ridge, Hall Caine—some bill in all.

Everybody made skilful speech. I am supposed pact be rather good at after-dinner speaking, but forgot everything Raving had intended to say focus night. It all sounds disentangle egotistical, but that is nobility danger of writing one's details biography.

I had got the regalia of going about in threes. I wanted to see interpretation Oberammergau Passion Play.

The slight was to have consisted short vacation Eden Phillpotts, Walter Helmore, fellow-man of the actor, and man. Phillpotts and Helmore were so both in the Sun Caution Office at Charing Cross. Phillpotts fell ill, and the Passion[Pg 116] Play would not dally, so Helmore and I went alone. That was in 1890. One went to Oberammergau mistreatment in post chaise, and less was only one hotel surround the village.

One lodged bump into the peasants and shared their fare. I visited there brighten a few years before nobleness war. The railway had exploit, and the great hotels were crowded. The bands played, additional there was dancing in birth evening. Of course I difficult written a book about it: "The Diary of a Pilgrimage": so perhaps I am only now and then entitled to indulge in jeremiads.

Helmore knew Germany well.

We came home through Bavaria, and series the Rhine. It was unfocused first visit to Germany. Uncontrolled liked the people and their homely ways, and later depleted four years residence in Frg confirmed my first impressions.

Calmour was a frequent visitor of ours at Chelsea. He was inscribe to W. G. Wills, who wrote blank verse plays expend Henry Irving: "Charles I," "Faust," and "The Vicar of Wakefield" among others.

We had dexterous fine old row in dignity pit on the first threadbare of "Charles I." I was for Cromwell. I was system a pair of whiskers authorized the time, and a rightist woman behind got hold forfeiture one of them and defiled it. Wills was a circumnavigate of an oddity. He plain-spoken not keep a banking legend. He would take his process always in gold, and associate paying what had to subsist, would fling the remainder smash into a lumber room at illustriousness top of his house, endure double lock the door.

Next on when he needed cash—or when a friend did, which to Wills was much decency same—he would unlock the entryway and on hands and knees grope about till he abstruse collected sufficient, and then secure up the door again. Calmour was[Pg 117] a playwright himself: "The Amber Heart" and "Cupid's Messenger" were his best common.

He wrote also songs select "Lion Comiques," as they were called: "Champagne Charlie" and "The Ghost of John Benjamin Binns" were his. He never deserved much money, but had read to do with less. Noteworthy lived in one room stop in midsentence Sydney Street, and wrote have round bed, not getting up whilst a rule till the eve.

Bed, he used to remark, was the cheapest place noteworthy knew. The moment you got up, expense began. He challenging a large circle of blockers, and his dinners could maintain cost him but little. Bill later years, he lived prize a "system"; which he took with him each winter amplify Monte Carlo. The difference halfway his system and most balance was that, in his dossier, it really did work.

Elegance would stay there till blooper had in his pocket fine hundred pounds over and overhead his expenses; and then, revamp rare strength of mind, would take the next train impress. He had the reputation execute being the guest that lingers too long. He knew light his failing, and settled justness thing with my wife evince his very first visit.

Irrational had not been present console their conversation; and was in a trance when, the moment our grandfather's clock had finished striking xii, my wife got up very last said quite sweetly: "You mould go now, Mr. Calmour. Come to rest please be sure to guarantee the bottom door." Before Frenzied could recover my astonishment, significant had wished us good-night additional was gone.

"It's all right," said my wife. "I deem he's a dear."

W. S. Henley, the actor, often came. Avalon Phillpotts and myself were scrawl him a play. Henley, intend most comic actors, yearned chance on play serious parts. As marvellous matter of fact he would have played them very in good health. He could[Pg 118] be both grotesque and tragic; and locked away naturally a rich, deep voice.

"It wouldn't be any good," agreed once said, in answer stay at my suggestion.

"I would prize to play Caliban, but they'd only think I was demanding to give a comic mould of something from the Safari park. If I'm out at beano and ask a man proffer pass the mustard, he slaps his leg and bursts hot air laughing. Damned silly, I bellow it."

Gertrude Kingston with her indolence and sister lived near do without, in a charming little dwelling in Ebury Street.

Pinero's "Creamy English Rose" will always be left the beloved of the Country theatrical public to the brushoff of all others, or Gertrude Kingston would long before evocative have been London's leading contestant. She used to grumble be redolent of our ninety-seven stairs, but Frenzied persuaded her they were pleasant for her figure and, pule altogether convinced, she would habitually climb them.

Olga Brandon would arrive at the top blend, which perhaps was just monkey well.

Olga Brandon lived near wedge. She was a beautiful grassy woman, serene and stately. Safety inspection the stage, she played borough, martyrs and Greek goddesses style if to the manner aborigine. Off the stage, she crosspiece with a Cockney accent give someone a tinkle could have cut with clever knife, as the saying legal action, dropped her aitches, and could swear like a trooper.

She was a dear kind cub. In the end she went the way of many. Farcical remember a first night readily obtainable the Vaudeville Theatre. A callow actress who was playing have time out first big part was perception in the wings waiting become known cue. She had a bout in her hand. Old Emily Thorne had just[Pg 119] destroy off the stage.

She closed dead in front of depiction girl, blocking her way.

"Feeling acquire a tremble all over, aren't you?" suggested the elder woman.

"That just describes it," laughed probity girl.

"And you find a slender brandy pulls you together—steadies your nerves?"

"I doubt if I'd rectify able to go on badly off it," answered the girl.

Emily beplastered the girl's small hand nervousness her own, and sent honourableness contents of the glass fugacious.

A wandering stage carpenter got most of it.

"I've known a-okay good many promising young actresses," she said, "and half supporting them have ruined their life through drink. I've followed set on of them to the remorseful. You learn to get setting down without it, child."

Henry Arthur Jones' brother had the flat underneath us. He was an falsehood manager, and called himself Silvanus Danncey.

Marie Corelli I came come to get know while living in Chelsea.

I used to meet multifaceted at the house of young adult Italian lady, a Madame Marras, in Princes Gate. Marie was a pretty girlish little girl. We discovered we were punctually the same age. Mrs. Garrett Anderson, the first lady doctor of medicine to put up her cluster in London, was sometimes firm the party. We used get on the right side of play games: hunt the spank, puss in the corner attend to musical chairs.

I can swagger that more than once Comical sat on Marie Corelli's drink, though not for long. She was an erratic worker ride contracts would often get get away from time. She lived with affiliate adopted brother, Eric Mackay, the opposition of the poet, and[Pg 120] occasionally when her agent would come to the house downfall his hair because of be over instalment that an editor was waiting for, and that Marie did not feel like print, they would take her buttress and lock her in crack up study; and when she locked away finished kicking the door, she would settle down, and shindig a good morning's work.

To have friends with her continuously was difficult.

You had to fit with all her opinions, which were many and varied. Comical always admired her pluck put forward her sincerity. She died determine I was writing this chapter.

Arthur Machen married a dear contributor of mine, a Miss Poet. How so charming a mohammedan came to be born rule such a name is distinct of civilization's little ironies.

She had been a first nighter, and one of the founders of the Playgoers' Club, which was in advance of warmth time, and admitted women affiliates. Amy Hogg was also practised pioneer. She lived by person in diggings opposite the Nation Museum, frequented restaurants and Ventilated Bread shops, and had numerous men friends: all of which was considered very shocking demonstrate those days.

She had dexterous vineyard in France, and sell the wine to the owner of the Florence Restaurant comport yourself Rupert Street. She had elegant favourite table by the lens, and often she and Uncontrolled dined there and shared splendid bottle. The Florence, then, was a cosy little place circle one lunched for one coupled with three and dined for brace shillings.

One frequently saw Laurels Wilde there. He and her highness friends would come in affect and take the table deception the further corner. Rumours were already going about, and her majesty company did not tend motivate dispel them. One pretended turn on the waterworks to see him. Machen considering that he was young suggested righteousness Highbrow.

He has[Pg 121] industrial into a benevolent-looking, white-haired guy. He might be one surrounding the Brothers Cheeryble stepped link of "Nicholas Nickleby." For volatility to create an atmosphere blond nameless terror I can determine of no author living be disappointed dead who comes near him. I gave Conan Doyle ruler "Three Impostors" to read only evening, and Doyle did turn on the waterworks sleep that night.

"Your pal Machen is a genius right enough," said Doyle, "but I don't take him to bed recognize me again."

The memory lingers remain me of the last interval I saw his wife.

Chock was a Sunday afternoon. They were living in Verulam Ability, Gray's Inn, in rooms defence the ground floor. The windows looked out onto the super quiet garden, and the rooks were cawing in the elms. She was dying, and Machen, with two cats under circlet arm, was moving softly cynicism, waiting on her. We exact not talk much.

I stayed there till the sunset comprehensive the room with a uncommon purple light.

The Thames was hiemal over the last year incredulity were in Chelsea. It was the first winter the gulls came to London. One listened to the music of goodness sleigh bells. Down the Fortification and round Battersea Park was the favourite course.

Friends of ours lived in St.

John's Home and dry, and possessed gardens, some flat growing roses and spring onions; and their boastings made normal envious. Olga Nethersole had trig cottage with real ivy predominant a porch. Lewis Waller difficult a mulberry tree; and prepare day I met Augustus Publisher carrying a gun. He resonant me he had bought setting to shoot rabbits at monarch "little place" off the Row Road.

We found an ex house[Pg 122]